The text that describes the feeling...

"I know you're going to do this. I don't really understand why you want to put yourself at such risk. I'll try to be supportive, but just don't expect me to pretend to be happy about it." I knew that not being able to share this danger with me was one of the hardest things for her to accept about the situation.

- excerpt from the book "First in Afghanistan"

Bonds!

The experience of the old life came quite suddenly, caught me unprepared and completely off-guard. But strangely, I did not resend it, but instead, allowed the experience to flow through me, invoking memories of the past and reliving them in the present.

Sadly, the past can never be totally re-lived. People come and go. Bonds strengthen and weaken. Things will never be the same again. In the course of 3 years, I've seen the countless formation of new bonds, and the breakage of old ones. Honor the old. Cherish the new. For you never know when they will all but disappear.

I hope, with time, bonds that I had painstakingly forged will only grow stronger. But alas, I can only hope. In faith I hope.

I'm back!

It is soooo soooo nice to be back writing on my blog again after a long hiatus. Somehow, for the past 3 months, I didn't have the mood to write and even if I did, the words just couldn't flow.

It seems I have lost touch with my inner-self.

The past 3 months had gone-by in a whirl and much had happened. Much. Life is a journey that starts with self-discovery and it begins with the awareness of self. And only then you can proceed to conquer the world. And not look back.

Not look back. The future is all that matters.

I dreamed a dream

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

Metaphorically Speaking...

The tides are shifting. Barely a whisper of movement but the tides are shifting. It senses the shift and resists against it, like it did for eons. It will assimilate successfully this new shift, like all shifts before it, or will it?

There is a wisp of fear lingering around. A tiny speck of fear that has been growing with the flow of time. Perhaps one day, this fear will materalise but for now, the usual dose of medicine will do the trick.

But the days of today are different from the days of the past. The lands are ravaged by greed, selfishness and cruelity. And are already beginning to crumble. It might not be this shift. Or the next 20 or even the next 500 shifts that will destroy these lands. But eventually, nothing will stand the test of time. There will always be a beginning, and an end. And the beginning of the end will begin with a single step. One that will unravel the tapesty of its' fate. One that will lead it to oblivion.

We can only hope and even pray, that when that time comes, there is still some good left on these forsaken lands, a reason, a hope, to give meaning to our actions when salvation begins.

Or perhaps, it might already be too late.

 

Blogging Constipation

Blogging Constipation is a self coined term for someone who has so much to write on his/her happenings in his/her insignificant lil' life that the channeling of thoughts through the brain had all but 'corked' shut like a cock in a champaign bottle.

And that is precisely how I feel at the present moment, after delaying penning(metaphorically speaking) down thoughts which I had allow to accumulate from a tiny little heap into an Everest of words. Which subsequently jammed up the "brain-to-finger" channel with a massive tsunami of jumbled thoughts.

What is a good laxative?

The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning

2008 Alfa Romeo 147 Ti 
2008 Alfa Romeo 159 2.2

2008 Alfa Romeo 159 1.9 Diesel

2009 Audi A3 1.8TFSI

2009 Audi A4 Avant 3.2TFSI

2009 Audi A6 2.0TFSI
2009 BMW 335i

2009 BMW M3 4.0

2008 BMW X5 4.8i

2008 Chevrolet Aveo5

2009 Chevrolet Epica 2.0

2008 Chery T11

2008 Fiat Punto 1.4 Diesel

2008 Ford Mondeo 2.3

2008 Ford S-Max 2.3

2009 Honda Jazz 1.3

2009 Honda Jazz 1.5

2008 Honda Accord 2.0

2008 Honda CRV 2.0

2008 Honda CRV 2.4

2008 KIA Cerato Variant 2
2009 KIA Cerato Forte

2006 Lexus RX300

2007 Land Rover Freelander 2

2008 Mazda 2

2007 Mercedes C350

2007 Mercedes GL450

2007 Mercedes A170

2009 MINI Cabrio

2007 Mitsubishi Lancer EX 1.5

2008 Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution X

2008 Mitsubishi Delica D:5

2007 Nissan 350Z

2007 Nissan Latio Sports

2007 Nissan Lafesta

2008 Nissan Qashqai

2008 Nissan Murano 3.5

2008 Opel Vectra 2.2

2008 Peugeot 308 Turbo

2009 Perodua Myvi

2008 Renault Clio 1.6

2008 Renault Koleos 2.5

2008 Saab 9-3 Sportscombi

2007 Subaru Impreza WRX 2.5 Sedan

2008 Subaru Impreza S-GT

2008 Subaru Impreza WRX 2.5 Hatch

2008 Subaru Forrester 2.0

2008 Suzuki Swift 1.5

2008 Suzuki Swift Sports (M)

2008 Suzuki Swift Sports (A)

2007 Suzuki SX4 Sedan

2008 Suzuki SX4

2008 Toyota Previa 2.4

2008 Toyota Vios 1.5

2008 Toyota Altis 1.6

2008 Toyota RAV4 2.4

2008 Volkswagen Polo 1.4TDI

2008 Volkswagen Jetta 1.4TSI

2008 Volkswagen Jetta 2.0 Gli

2008 Volkswagen Jetta 2.0TFSI

2008 Volkswagen Golf-Sports 1.4TSI

2008 Volkswagen Golf GTI 

2008 Volkswagen Touran 1.4TSI

2008 Volkswagen Tourag R50 

2008 Volkswagen EOS

2008 Volkswagen Passat 1.8T

2008 Volkswagen Passat R36

2008 Volvo S40 2.4

2009 Volvo XC60 

2008 Volvo XC90

Need I say more?

In the end, the race is only with yourself

It is ok to be sad. 

It is ok to be miserable. 

It is ok to be inferior. 

Because it is wonderful to be human beings. 

Of course, sometimes, just sometimes, emotions may run on the wild side, gives you

a little "kick in the butt" and takes you on a roller coaster ride but it doesn't really matter.

Because what matters is your acknowledgement of these wayward emotions. Learn to live with them. Understand them. Face them.

I cannot teach you how to do so - each have their own path to take to recovery - I can only encourage you along your journey. The rest is really up to no one but yourself.

Take heart, for the journey is long.

But in the end, it is only with yourself.

Friends

While chatting with a friend of mine, the topic of friends was brought up. She says "Isn't it sad that we do not keep touch with friends as often as we want anymore?". To highlight this fact even further, I said "well...friends are only there when your path in life coincide. Other than that, it is really hard to continue to keep in constant contact". 

To sum it up in one sentence, "Friends come and go. Only a precious few will stay on."

 

Emotionally, it may be sad. But there is nothing sad about the way life is. But there is much to be desirerdt if you do not cherish those moments that you have with your companions. 

That, is the real sad bit.

Just today, we had a farewell lunch at Bathers (western food restaurant near sunset way). This friend of ours is returning to China for good and we had the intend to treat him to a farewell lunch. Mid-way during lunch, two of our collegues just so happened to eat at the same place. 

The most heart-warming bit was that he insisted on paying for the meal (which isn't cheap, should be around 90 bucks in total) and under the pretext of going to the toilet, paid for our meals.

Not only that, when we came back into office, we also discovered that he had also silently paid for the other two collegues that was seating in the next table.

Sometimes, just sometimes, when we are too focused on achieving materalistic wants, too bend on saving for a rainy day, too caught up trying to be rich and successful, we tend to forget that there are much simple things in life waiting for us to see, to experience, to do. And to feel good about.

Sometimes, all it takes is to see beyond the things that blinded us and focus on things that really matters. So what matters? It's the people around you. Your family and your friends. Without them, without these basic pillars of life, no life can be meaninful, no life can be fulfilling. All you can have is only a bland mix of going through the motion. People around you are the ones that gives flavors to your life.

Remember that.

Journey

Thus far I have come...

but how long more...

how long more...

The Spirit Within

There are things in the past that still resides - Memories of old, of yesteryears, which still lingers like the undying whisps of smoke. Memories that should not have been remembered. Memories that incur hatred, bitterness and vengeful thoughts. Memories that ought to be washed away with the endless, flowing tides of time - but wasn't. 

Why then? 

The song of youth was sung a long time ago, in a turmoil of time where feelings blossom and whither like the flowers. Blame indeed. But one that was necessary, or not. Blame induce anger. Anger induce hate. And hate induce bitterness. A never ending spiral that only result in regret. 

A toast of apology, a smile of regret and sadness, is all that the present can offer. It may not be enough, but perhaps, it may help stop the ebb of spirit, and lay to rest the thoughts that still lingers.

Only then, can the wretched sail into the west.

P.S: A story that is untold isn't the whole truth. Only fools hide in shadows, whispering of things that may be, relishing in the pool of self-content and self-righteousness. Be wary, for the world moves by while you bask in the shadows. See in the mirror - for the pot always calls the kettle black.

Farewell~

I have not been posting on this blog and the first post that I want to make after a long hiatus is a sad one.

Michael Crichton passed away yesterday! I love his books and that is because he always manages to infuse science and story-telling into one big pot of excitement.

Too bad he is gone now. And at least there is an excuse for me to buy his last book. At least his legacy lives on...

Updates

It has been a while since I last updated my blog...but I really have nothing much to blog about. Most of my time has now being diverted either to the stupid symfony or CS or Band of brothers.

But at least I get more now.

And I still have a leg in the old.

Hope I didn't bite off more than I can chew.

Choking can be bad for health I think.

Absence makes the heart fonder...

I think the Idiom is true - It made me do the above.

BBQ at East Coast

Ah, no pictures but....

have to thank stella ( i know you are reading my blog from time to time!) and huiping for going through the trouble of organizing this little get-together. It was really great, considering that all of those you invited came!

Time flies. Some are already married and some are planning to get married. 3 years. So much has transcended in this 3 years. It makes one wonder when would be the next time when we can all meet again. But at least we had the opportunity of this night to catch up with each other and sharing stories of the past 3 years.

Food is great too. But it's the company that makes the food sumptuous.

Till we all meet again....

National Day...

I remember when I was young, blocks were "painted" in a sea of red and white as almost, if not all of the residence will hang up their Singapore flag proudly. I liked that. It shows that the people of Singapore "having a sense of belonging and pride" in the country they call home to.

Now fast forward 10 years. Singapore have had undergone rapid changes in a short period of time, including the fact that no one hang their flags up anymore.

Zilch.

If widespread unhappiness is the result of our progress, i rather we not have drastic progress at the expense of unhappiness, resentment, anger and the lost of a sense of belonging to this place which people used to call "my country, my home".

What's good 2 casinos, a horde of FTs and tons of money in a country when patriotism is gone? It makes the National Day parade sounds like a whole lot of bang with no soul.

The VW Touareg V10 TDI experience

On an early saturday morning, we had the opportunity to be the first few to test drive the new VW Touareg. Now, this Touareg is not your usual run-of-the-mill SUV. This Touareg has the letters "TDI" attached to it.

And these are some very special words. So special that any petrolhead will go jelly in the knees when they hear them.

Allow me to explain. The "TDI" stands for Turbocharged Direct Injection and is VW's acronym for all their turbocharged diesel engine. Yes....this monster is a diesel. Now, for those of you who know enough to differentiate between a car and a truck, you will immediately know that diesel-based cars have more low-end torque compared to their petrol counterparts. But this increase comes with the sacrifice of high-end power, noted by the 4.5k rev-limit on diesel engines.

What makes this Touareg so special is that it doesn't sacrifice on high-end power and that is why petrolheads will go weak in their knees. This Toureg has all the benefits of a diesel and none of it's drawbacks. The R50 contains a 5-litre, V10 turbocharged engine giving 850NM at a low 2000rpm and 350bhp at 3500rpm which will power the behemoth from 0-100km in 6.7 seconds and all the way to the 235km/h limit. All it takes is for you to floor the accelerator and you will be in warp speed the very next moment. Or a hefty speeding fine.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the luxury of testing the car extensively but from the short 10-min drive, it was enough for me to peg the $298,000 asking price as emotionally worthwhile. You just have to listen to the engine note and exhaust burble. Nothing like the clittery-clap of diesels!

It is not often that you can have so much power in your hands. Or in something this huge.

A wierd dream

I had a...nightmare this morning...it seems. I'm unsure because even though the dream was eerie, it didn't really make me few scared...just spooked.

The background of the dream was in some island resort (like Tioman) and a group of us (I can't remember who was in it but I do remember familar faces like ZJ and others which I obviously do not know who they are, but they are my friends in the dream). We were in a resort where electricty, water, food are provided by push carts but some how as the dream developed, there was the saying that an evil is arriving and all the push carts start to leave the island, leaving us without food, water or electrocity.

IT was a beginning of evil and the group of us hudled together in this tall tower above the resort looking pass calm blue seas and tall volcanic islands a distance away while someone in our group was fending off some evil creature with a circular shield. Then the dream shifted back to the group on the ground, this time with some girl which was suppose to be evil but in the end, she was helping us by leading us into the resort rooms to hide from the evil creatures. While that happened, me and my another friend had a need to pee but since there was no light, we decided to pee in the open so that no evil creatures could catch us while being vulnerable. The dream ended when the girl said "dun pee there" because people can see us from across the resort block.


Wierd like hell, I say.

The wonders of TV

For those of you who managed to catch me on TV, well, do not believe that all-was-ok in that few seconds of clip; in fact, there was widespread panic and furor off-screen as we tried to piece the film together - Things that you should know:

1. There were a handful of retakes because I was trying hard not to squint while reading the script
2. kudos to the producers for being able to NOT portray me as a stuttering idiot who do not know how to speak chinese, which in fact, was the case in some of the takes
3. Last but not least, a VERY BIG THANKS to damsie for helping me script the text. Without it, I think i would have literally died (a.k.a looking like an idiot on TV)

Also, don't ask me about the clip because when it aired, I was millions of meters away in Malaysia trying to find food.

And to those who do not know what i'm talking about, well, nevermind =)

ANd no, I have some strange resentment in watching myself on TV, so I did not record a single thing.

Hello....

您好，上次遇见您的时候，已经有好几个月前的事情了，但我那时跟你所说过的话，我没忘记。但是，没想到，我还是没有你哪莫的了解她. 我已经尽量了,但是试种还是没有彻底的了解和体会到她的心. 我绝得好失败...



I'll be there

You and I must make a pact
We must bring salvation back
Where there is love
I'll be there

I'll reach out my hand to you
I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name
And I'll be there

I'll be there to comfort you
Build my world of dreams around you
I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love that's strong
I'll be your strength I'll keep holding on

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness is all I'm after
Just call my name And I'll be there

I'll be there to protect you
With an unselfish love I'll respect you
Just call my name And I'll be there

I'll be there to comfort you
Build my world of dreams around you
I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love so strong
I'll be your strength
I'll keep holding on

If you should ever find someone new
I know he'd better be good to you
'Cause if he doesn't I'll be there

I'll be there
I'll be there
Just call my name
I'll be there
I'll be there
I'll be there
Whenever you need me I'll be there