It has been a while...

I nearly forgotten that this blog existed, or was it that I rather not be reminded of it?

I don't know. These days I've bottled so much emotions in me that they become one big constipated mess. I'm not even sure what's what anymore. It's like rojak, you have pieces of radish, pineapple, cucumber and you-tiao all combined in one gigantic bowl topped with peanut sauce (or is it black sauce?).

I think I'm feeling disappointed. Heck, I am disappointed with so many things happening in life that I can't think and feel anymore. I'm kinda fumbling over everything that life threw at me and even now, as I write this, there's this thought in me to stop writing and just discard this blog. Why? Cause it doesn't matter. No matter how much you write, nothing will change. Change doesn't come from a URL on the Internet. It must come from something more concrete, like talking to a human being.

But as time creep by, I can't help but notice that there are lesser and lesser human beings around, so much so that I'm kind of crying inside and trying to seek solitude in the wonders of facebook and MSN.

Yeah right, it simply doesn't work.

I'm darn sure that I'm not the only one keeping awake at night waiting for people to talk to them, to seek that elusive connection with friends that social site promised but never really quite deliver... Our society has degraded to the point where interactions is conducted through mouse clicks of random likes and dislikes. What happened to presence? What happened to emotions? What happened to sincerity? And what the !@^%$#$ happened to the times where relation building is not adding a friend to your friggin facebook account?

Do not get me wrong, I think facebook brings convenience to our life of social interaction but it shouldn't be the only way to catch up with friends. It's like Avatar, except that you don't get to deal with a Navi' but more like a cold, dark LCD monitor. Try hugging it for warmth.

Sometimes, sometimes I missed the good ole days, the days where everyone is still everyone and not someone's and obligation is only found in a dictionary.

These days...I do not want to think about these days...

"And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be..." - Let it be, The Beatles

Night

The world always feel the loneliest at night. We are connected, but only through a cold hard glass.

Whom then, can I seek the solace I desire, and stop the endless torment of the night?

Songs that I have not sung, words that I have not whispered. When then, can I be free to speak the words and sing the songs of my soul?

And whose ears shall be the willing recepient where these words rest?

To be or not to be, that is the question

For the past few weeks, there was a raging debate on whether we should accomodate for a third person in our lives... After deliberation, and countless reasoning for and against, both within and out of the personal circle, i believe that I have arrived at a personal decision.

Discussions with most people always narrow down to a few points, all which can be classified into for and against having a little one.

FOR
• someone to have around when you are old
• someone to inject excitment and love into an other wise stagnant environment
• the love for kids ( unquantifiable)
• the somewhat hard-to-describe feeling of happiness when you have kids of your own (unquantifiable)

AGAINST
• freedom trade-off
• finance trade-off
• the permanent responsibilty till 18
• child-centric lifestyle
• the need for at least 2 children
• no tangible benefits
• bringing a child to suffer in this world

I've come to realize that if you were to analyse it scientifically, there can really be no tangible rewards gained from having kids.

But somehow, using material reasons to counter against a topic as profound as life itself seems a tad shallow. How do you put a value to the experience of carrying your first child? Or feel the touch of your child's hand when they grab your hands for the first time? How do you put value to hearing your child call you "papa" or "mama" for the first time? How do you place value to the experience of them hugging you or giving you a kiss? How do you?

How do you measure the experience of seeing them grow up and contribute to society? How do you measure the experience of becoming a grandparent, teaching and sharing your life stories to your future grandchild?

Do you even dare forsake the chance of having the experience of a life time, just because you are too scared, too lazy or too busy to experience what life has to offer?

Why do we have to deny such an experience, simply because we want to cling on to a life full of self-deluded enjoyment?

I believe having a kid is immensly taxing, immensly difficult yet also immensly rewarding, if you bring up the kid well.

I cannot think of a greater satisfaction in life than to successfully nurture your child, so that they can grow up and be of use to society.