第一次

累了。。。 真的累了。。。

这几个月来见过的， 尝试过的，我累了。。。

原来生活上最复杂，最难搞得就是人以人之间的关系。

我看累了。。。很想不去管，很想把心上所想的，看的，感觉的，都把它仍一边。。。

可惜，我办不到，也不能不管。

阵面的也好，反面的也好，是假是真，看透了，真的真的疲倦。。。

简简单单的过一生， 很难吗？

Revelation

Look to the North on the 7th day at dusk.

Look for the white rose.

The Harbinger of the end of ends.

Loss is never lost.

It was a simple task. To help take photos of her. In her buddist robe.

So I obligingly did. In fact, I took a couple of shots. I have always loved photography. The challenge of taking a good photo is to convey your intented emotions to the person viewing your photographs. So I did my best, played around with the lighting until I get the shots I wanted.

Satisfied, I showed her the picture. She looked pleased. While packing my camera, she said to me, "Use this photo you have taken for my funeral." My heart froze. But I managed to utter a casual "orh." And I have never mentioned the whole event to anyone since.

And so.... 1.5 years down, that was how my first public work induced emotions. The big photo frame. The urn. My close relatives' wallets. They carry with them my work of that day. It is a beautiful photo, they still say.

But it is beautiful not because of my technical skills, but, of the bonding and love between us. Love made the portrait beautiful.

I have never dared looked at the photo ever since. It was conveniently forgotten, buried in time. And I know why.

Loss is never lost.

V-day / Friendship-day/chop-carrot-day is here....

Ok...to all you lovey-dovey birds out there (notice the tinge of envy?), here's a nice lomentic song for ya all....




相爱

同恩 范逸臣

词曲:黄舒骏

(男)他们告诉我爱是个恶魔
要你一颗心还你一场空
我们的爱与众不同
推翻他们的胡说
爱上之前我懵懵懂懂
现在我明白我生的理由
原来我已睡了很久
是用爱叫醒我

(女)你要我什么你爱我怎么
只让你拥有我的完美
我的娇柔我的悸动
你要我什么你爱我怎么
只要说出口我的深情
我的不悔我的执著
都是你的

(男)做什都对说什都感动
天地都有情连山水都温柔
爱对了什都不愁
别人为何都不懂
牵着你的手我什都不求
抱你在怀中一生就已足够
不管是天堂是宇宙
就是我爱的时候

(女)你要我什么你爱我怎么
只让你拥有我的完美(完美)
我的娇柔(娇柔)我的悸动(悸动)
你要我什么(有的全部都要给我)
你爱我怎么(我爱的每一个动作)
只要说出口(我已经无法说的尽)
我的深情
我的不悔(不悔)
我的执著(执著)
都是你的(都是的)

(合)你要我什么你爱我怎么
只让你拥有
我的完美(的完美)
我的娇柔(的娇柔)
我的悸动(悸动)
你要我什么(你有的全部都要给我)
你爱我怎么(我爱的每一个动作)
只要说出口(我已经无法说的尽)
我的深情
我的不悔(不悔)
我的执著(执著)
都是你的(都是的)
都是你的(都是的)

Simple words yet....

...so uplifting! Really. sz, you will never know how encouraging your words meant to me over msn that evening.

Now you know...it's enough for me to delicate this posting to you...though one day late(busy mah!)

=p

Struggle

"One....more....time....."

He feebly attempted to drag his own near-lifeless body across the scorching sand as the sun's heat shone relentlessly on him from high above the cloudless sky. His nerves burst forth signals of pain as his parched skin scraped across the coarse sand.

Raw skin and rough sand does not mix, it seems. Every single movement draw forth fresh abrasions from the tender flesh, staining the sand with his blood. Feeling frustrated, he knew this is the end for him. With all the strength he could muster, he delicately turn his head towards the sun.

Two vultures circled lazily high above him. Like an ominous sign of impending doom, the two messengers of death waits patiently for it's prey to come to pass. As if sensing death, they grew more excited, squawking excitely to each other with each passing moment.

Eyes squinting, he whispered a hoarse "Why....me?" into the air, as the shimmering desert heat carries his voice away to nothingness. No one can hear his pain, his disappointment and ultimately, his sadness. Sadness of all the unfulfilled dreams left unaccomplished. Sadness of all the things left unsaid and never will be said. Sadness of never being able to say "I'm sorry" to the one he hurt but hold so dear in his dying heart.....

Turmoil!

The past kept haunting me! I feel it in my dreams, I dwell in it every single minute that I am awake. Every SINGLE minute. GAH! Sometimes I wish I can just switch off that part of the brain. And work of late have been very helpful to work synergistically(don't even know if there is such a word) against me.

On the topic of work, it has been an equally trying period. I kept making errors I felt I should not even have made, in fact, I shouldn't even be making mistakes. Sigh. Where to find that elusive characteristic that I seem to be missing?

This picture taken at 1am on 01/02/07 is proof that work will haunt you if you don't get it right the first time...(actually not really but i'm just trying to make myself feel worse) *sigh*













On a happier but stressful note, tomorrow I will be going for this:















better hope nothing goes wrong tomorrow.