炸鱼片不新鲜的。。。

“auntie...可以给我一碗鱼片米粉吗？" 我对着auntie 说。。。

“你要哪一种鱼？ 新鲜 的鱼 好吗?" 她说着。。。

我给了一个很奇怪的表情，说了， “auntie, 你有卖不新鲜的鱼 吗？“

她 接着,指了摊子上的招牌说, “炸鱼片 lor….“

啊。。。 原来炸鱼片的鱼不是新鲜的。。。

就是这样子吧。。。

一个不是人说我写的华文字母有错别字。。。 啊。。。 低促有错别字。。。 那么，我就此从现在开始，用华文写出我的blog entries, 之到我可以写成一段无有错别字的写作。

第一次

累了。。。 真的累了。。。

这几个月来见过的， 尝试过的，我累了。。。

原来生活上最复杂，最难搞得就是人以人之间的关系。

我看累了。。。很想不去管，很想把心上所想的，看的，感觉的，都把它仍一边。。。

可惜，我办不到，也不能不管。

阵面的也好，反面的也好，是假是真，看透了，真的真的疲倦。。。

简简单单的过一生， 很难吗？

Revelation

Look to the North on the 7th day at dusk.

Look for the white rose.

The Harbinger of the end of ends.

Loss is never lost.

It was a simple task. To help take photos of her. In her buddist robe.

So I obligingly did. In fact, I took a couple of shots. I have always loved photography. The challenge of taking a good photo is to convey your intented emotions to the person viewing your photographs. So I did my best, played around with the lighting until I get the shots I wanted.

Satisfied, I showed her the picture. She looked pleased. While packing my camera, she said to me, "Use this photo you have taken for my funeral." My heart froze. But I managed to utter a casual "orh." And I have never mentioned the whole event to anyone since.

And so.... 1.5 years down, that was how my first public work induced emotions. The big photo frame. The urn. My close relatives' wallets. They carry with them my work of that day. It is a beautiful photo, they still say.

But it is beautiful not because of my technical skills, but, of the bonding and love between us. Love made the portrait beautiful.

I have never dared looked at the photo ever since. It was conveniently forgotten, buried in time. And I know why.

Loss is never lost.

V-day / Friendship-day/chop-carrot-day is here....

Ok...to all you lovey-dovey birds out there (notice the tinge of envy?), here's a nice lomentic song for ya all....




相爱

同恩 范逸臣

词曲:黄舒骏

(男)他们告诉我爱是个恶魔
要你一颗心还你一场空
我们的爱与众不同
推翻他们的胡说
爱上之前我懵懵懂懂
现在我明白我生的理由
原来我已睡了很久
是用爱叫醒我

(女)你要我什么你爱我怎么
只让你拥有我的完美
我的娇柔我的悸动
你要我什么你爱我怎么
只要说出口我的深情
我的不悔我的执著
都是你的

(男)做什都对说什都感动
天地都有情连山水都温柔
爱对了什都不愁
别人为何都不懂
牵着你的手我什都不求
抱你在怀中一生就已足够
不管是天堂是宇宙
就是我爱的时候

(女)你要我什么你爱我怎么
只让你拥有我的完美(完美)
我的娇柔(娇柔)我的悸动(悸动)
你要我什么(有的全部都要给我)
你爱我怎么(我爱的每一个动作)
只要说出口(我已经无法说的尽)
我的深情
我的不悔(不悔)
我的执著(执著)
都是你的(都是的)

(合)你要我什么你爱我怎么
只让你拥有
我的完美(的完美)
我的娇柔(的娇柔)
我的悸动(悸动)
你要我什么(你有的全部都要给我)
你爱我怎么(我爱的每一个动作)
只要说出口(我已经无法说的尽)
我的深情
我的不悔(不悔)
我的执著(执著)
都是你的(都是的)
都是你的(都是的)

Simple words yet....

...so uplifting! Really. sz, you will never know how encouraging your words meant to me over msn that evening.

Now you know...it's enough for me to delicate this posting to you...though one day late(busy mah!)

=p

Struggle

"One....more....time....."

He feebly attempted to drag his own near-lifeless body across the scorching sand as the sun's heat shone relentlessly on him from high above the cloudless sky. His nerves burst forth signals of pain as his parched skin scraped across the coarse sand.

Raw skin and rough sand does not mix, it seems. Every single movement draw forth fresh abrasions from the tender flesh, staining the sand with his blood. Feeling frustrated, he knew this is the end for him. With all the strength he could muster, he delicately turn his head towards the sun.

Two vultures circled lazily high above him. Like an ominous sign of impending doom, the two messengers of death waits patiently for it's prey to come to pass. As if sensing death, they grew more excited, squawking excitely to each other with each passing moment.

Eyes squinting, he whispered a hoarse "Why....me?" into the air, as the shimmering desert heat carries his voice away to nothingness. No one can hear his pain, his disappointment and ultimately, his sadness. Sadness of all the unfulfilled dreams left unaccomplished. Sadness of all the things left unsaid and never will be said. Sadness of never being able to say "I'm sorry" to the one he hurt but hold so dear in his dying heart.....

Turmoil!

The past kept haunting me! I feel it in my dreams, I dwell in it every single minute that I am awake. Every SINGLE minute. GAH! Sometimes I wish I can just switch off that part of the brain. And work of late have been very helpful to work synergistically(don't even know if there is such a word) against me.

On the topic of work, it has been an equally trying period. I kept making errors I felt I should not even have made, in fact, I shouldn't even be making mistakes. Sigh. Where to find that elusive characteristic that I seem to be missing?

This picture taken at 1am on 01/02/07 is proof that work will haunt you if you don't get it right the first time...(actually not really but i'm just trying to make myself feel worse) *sigh*













On a happier but stressful note, tomorrow I will be going for this:















better hope nothing goes wrong tomorrow.

Sweet Dessert

Carrot Pudding. Sourish Sweet. Yum. Thanks Lor!

A sweet looking couple in their late-twenties ran this dessert store @ market street. I'm sure that is the reason why the place felt welcoming to me. A couple in love (i'm guessing) selling sweet healthy desserts and wanting to share their little world with you. Now how welcoming is that? very much so I say!

Besides, there is definitely something sweet and romantic (swoon~) about the idea of selling desserts together with the one you loved, tucked away at a corner of the busy city street.

My take? It's a little oasis in the unforgiving desert of a city. Definitely a good place to enjoy a nice relaxing bowl of dessert and just relax. =)

Lingering uneasiness

I can't sleep. The image of the battered bicycle lying on the road remains fresh in my mind.

Hundred metres down, I saw another battered machinary. This time, it is in the form of a car. The car felt lifeless to me, with it's crumpled bonnet and boot and only one signal light blinking sporetically as it lies broken along the road divider.

No blood. No blue tents. No ambulance. Nothing. Nothing at all to signify injury or death have transpired. It was just car and bicycle, lying broken and lifeless at the side of the road.

A disquieting chill hits me. I didn't like what I saw. I felt uneasy.

So much so that I did the usual of stopping insteading of accompanying the ascent. Sorry.

I can't help but think a life was lost. I hope I'm wrong.

ITGC 3 Golden Rules

1. LHS = RHS

The LHS (Description of test performed) must be equal to the RHS(TOD/TOE documentation).

2. CYA

Always Cover your Ass (CYA) when performing the TOD/TOE. Always conform to TOE sampling size. Ask yourself this question, "Am I fulfilling the control objectives?"

3. Treat Reviewers as Idiots

Always document EVERYTHING and do not assume that the person reviewing your work know everything. Chances are, he/she knows nothing. So document as comprehensively as possible.

Too logical a mind is not logical, me thinks.

Sigh. I can't stop thinking. I'm afraid. Logically, I shouldn't be, What-ifs scenarios doesn't warrant time for worrying.

Yet, the past seemed to haunt me. This time, the roles are reversed. Maybe that was how they felt in the past. Insecurity might be one of them to say the least. Maybe, this time, it will be my turn on the receiving end, finally. Time to payback what I took. Sigh.

D +24, offset +0. Too premature for phase change. But params are fluctuating. Puzzling.

Too logical a mind is not logical, me thinks.

STOP.

Do I need a title?

!@#$%.....shitty day i say....so much crap happened today that i can't be bothered phrasing nicely. How often in one day can you feel worried, hurt (a minor bit), miserable, stressful, frustrated, irritated, tired, stupid, dejected in one stupid freaking day consisting of only 24hours?!?

I hated the way things are going, i hate the way things are being managed and I hate the way when it all seems to be my fault!

I did want i can at that point in time, rectified as much as I can and all I get is a bunch of negativity. I might as well don't do. I don't see the point in completing jobs when there isn't benefits then. no satisfaction no nothing. just a shitload of negativity.

Can't even be bothered to explain certain things. Don't think there is a need to. no one can do anything any way.

There ain't going to be a better day.

Munch. zzzZzzzz

Munch munch. nice mushroomies.....nice fish.....nice chicken......wake up the nieghbourhood....dreamt of eating crabs, mushrooms and more crabs....nice stars....

sadly cold, brrrr, climb mountain of ice....colder....brrrrr.....zzzzzzz

Conscious!

I want to jump into the Singapore River!! Conscious! Conscious! Conscious! All i can think of was Conscious! Walk a step. Conscious! Walk another step. Conscious! Conscious! Conscious!

I want to jump into Singapore River!!!

There is always a time for everything, including love.

Love! It's in the air! It was announced to me in the form of an innocent looking creme coloured envelope when I woke up this morning. The joyous intent of the mail bursted forth the moment I peeled away the flap revealing the red invitation card.

*Grins*

What can I say? The word "Happy" do no justice to what I am feeling. Though I have not seen you and your spouse (using the term prematurely here from a chinese context) for like 4 years, I still remember the time I met up with the both of you quite vivdly. It seemed like yesterday. I can still remember the place we ate (MOS burger), the smell of the fries and the taste of the milk tea. But what I remembered most intensely was the both of you. Or rather, it was the fuzzy feeling of warmth flowing out from both of you.

Love was in the air back then and still is in the air now. And receiving this mail is attestation to that love. And the commitment of it.

Old friend, I'm so, so, so happy for the both of you. Truely.

The road is long...

When Frodo and Sam first set out on their quest to destroy the one ring, none of them knew what will be awaiting them. Even if they had known what lies ahead of their long and trecherous journey, I do not think they will shun from it. Because they had a noble cause; To destroy the one ring that threatens the peace on Middle earth.

My journey in life, metaphorically speaking, is far from noble. There is no ring for me to destroy. No world for me to save from the evil monster. Sadly, my life at this current phase is just to help others earn their profit, maintain their shiny BMW and keep them fat and happy.

Heh...perhaps life in reality is unfair. In the movie, sauron had to rely on his minons to be his hands and legs. Perhaps, because he was not material ,that even out the chance for Frodo to destroy the one ring. Ask Sauron to drive a BMW around frodo as he crawls towards Mordor and I'm sure he will be so demoralised that he would just throw the ring back at Sauron. Middle earth withstanding or not.

I can't pinpoint this tireness in me. I mean, I haven't been working as hard as others, i've been truthful to my policy of "not bringing work home","don't work over the weekends" and "to hell with impossible deadlines" yet I still feel drawn. Why? Why? Why? Is it the environment? Is it the people? Or is it the very nature of the work?

I think i already know the answer. Just that i'm merely refusing to acknowledge it.

Days leading to 2007 in summary

22/12/06 :Yum yum Steamy boat...guess who was the LAST person still eating? heh heh gluttony...
















26/12/06 :Toyota Estima, 3L... might be V6 bah...could there be a 3L in-line 4/6 for toyota? mmm dual sunroof, HID light and an automatic sliding door. Powerful, quiet and ultimately, boring. It's a toyota lah....
















27/12/06: Ascott's Somerset Serviced apartments in KL.... home away from home for 3 days...
















27/12/06: Dan-dan mian....yummy! it's better than the one I had at Crystal Jade...



















30/12/06 : Celebrating AHP bday at Crystal Jade, Takashimaya
















01/01/07 : Drunk over the new year at Tanjong Rhu
















03/01/07 : Back to work @ client's place....paper galore man....

First post for 2007

Rain. The soft splattering of these tears from heaven on the earth magically produces a soothing, flowing river of music which calms all souls living on it. And when the rain finally stops, the invigorating smell of rain dew will spill across the earth, symbolising the start of a new and fresh beginning.

Perhaps... Perhaps that is why it always rains in December, to cleanse away the old and worn 2006 and to prepare for the arrival of the spanking new 2007.

Goodbye 2006. Hello 2007.