A ranting in 2014

Now this is interesting. It has been a long while since I revisited my blog page. It seems I have been transported back in time. Nothing has changed in this blog since the last I've seen it. But what do I expect?

Much has changed since. My last entry was one on Mt Everest.

Today, my post will be one of ranting. Where I stand, there are much trouble in this world. And the daunting realization that there is no way in hell that the human race can sort itself out. Yet, issues continue to crop up one after another around the world. And there is simply nothing that one can do to help.

Except to block all of it out.

Emotionally I'm drained. My only conclusion is that this world cannot be saved. Human kind is simply too complex, with too many types of people, culture and interests to help meaningfully. We are creatures that will kill each other to extinction over survival, despite all the technological progress mankind has made. Perhaps we are slave to our greed, our self-centered tenancies, our pride, our complexities, our power, our beliefs, our every thing.

I see no future in mankind, nor have faith, if no one understand that we are essentially our own hope of survival.

We are but a immature, violent and short sighted species.  

for posterity

I could not imagine visiting this blog again after so many months of neglect. But hey, times have changed and so many things have had happened since I last blogged. In fact, somuch time has transpired that I don't think people blog nowadays. They Facebook.

In these times where Facebook reigns, I find myself seeking solace in my long forgetten blog, far away from friends who had probably forgotten the existence of this blog.

You know, I felt different every since I came back from Nepal. I felt different, a kind of sadness and longing for the mountains once again. In fact, I think I might have left a piece of me back at Nepal. The Himalayans is a magical place, one that no words can do justice to the experience gained through the sights and sounds of the place. It is as if I have found my santuary in life. There are times I found myself thinking of going back there again. I dream of the past, and long for it in the future. Yet, I'm not sure why this is happening. Someone mentioned that I am suffering from post holiday blues....maybe...maybe....but I am not sure if a holiday elsewhere will cure this depression

The worst was, I had an inkling to climb mt Everest.

Yet, in this whirlwind of emotions, I felt liberated and empowered to believe I can do the things I want to do, as long as I set my heart to it. And in these trying times' I hope I succeed. Few, if not none around me will understand what I felt the day I reached the summit of kalar pattar. That was the pinnicle of this entire trek. The struggle, the physical and mental exhaution cumulates to this one trek to 5,500m. It was to me, a moment in life, that I felt that I could conquer the world. that despite everything thrown at me, I can and did overcome these difficulties and reached for the top. The feeling of giving up was strong, but the act of overcoming these thoughts and reaching the top was utterly, breathtakingly beautiful, and emotionally overwhelming. It made all the pain, the exhaustion and anguish worth it. It was such a magical feelingbtyat I didn't mention much about this to anyone, for fear of diluting the wonderness of it. this experience changed the way I approach my life, post-nepal as well.

It allowed me to think that not all problems are as bad as you might think, but that all problems can be resolved if you said your heart to it. You just need to bear through the tough parts and it will all be fine. You might thunk that this is all familiar cliche motivational phrases. True, they are,but the difference is, I actually believed in them, because I have my footprints in snow on top of kalar pattar as evidence that all problems are summountable.

I hope that when I return one day to read this entry, my current problems have been resolved and that I can stand proud of having to conquer yet another problem in this problematic human life.

Ps- pardon the tardiness though.

It has been a while...

I nearly forgotten that this blog existed, or was it that I rather not be reminded of it?

I don't know. These days I've bottled so much emotions in me that they become one big constipated mess. I'm not even sure what's what anymore. It's like rojak, you have pieces of radish, pineapple, cucumber and you-tiao all combined in one gigantic bowl topped with peanut sauce (or is it black sauce?).

I think I'm feeling disappointed. Heck, I am disappointed with so many things happening in life that I can't think and feel anymore. I'm kinda fumbling over everything that life threw at me and even now, as I write this, there's this thought in me to stop writing and just discard this blog. Why? Cause it doesn't matter. No matter how much you write, nothing will change. Change doesn't come from a URL on the Internet. It must come from something more concrete, like talking to a human being.

But as time creep by, I can't help but notice that there are lesser and lesser human beings around, so much so that I'm kind of crying inside and trying to seek solitude in the wonders of facebook and MSN.

Yeah right, it simply doesn't work.

I'm darn sure that I'm not the only one keeping awake at night waiting for people to talk to them, to seek that elusive connection with friends that social site promised but never really quite deliver... Our society has degraded to the point where interactions is conducted through mouse clicks of random likes and dislikes. What happened to presence? What happened to emotions? What happened to sincerity? And what the !@^%$#$ happened to the times where relation building is not adding a friend to your friggin facebook account?

Do not get me wrong, I think facebook brings convenience to our life of social interaction but it shouldn't be the only way to catch up with friends. It's like Avatar, except that you don't get to deal with a Navi' but more like a cold, dark LCD monitor. Try hugging it for warmth.

Sometimes, sometimes I missed the good ole days, the days where everyone is still everyone and not someone's and obligation is only found in a dictionary.

These days...I do not want to think about these days...

"And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be..." - Let it be, The Beatles

Night

The world always feel the loneliest at night. We are connected, but only through a cold hard glass.

Whom then, can I seek the solace I desire, and stop the endless torment of the night?

Songs that I have not sung, words that I have not whispered. When then, can I be free to speak the words and sing the songs of my soul?

And whose ears shall be the willing recepient where these words rest?

To be or not to be, that is the question

For the past few weeks, there was a raging debate on whether we should accomodate for a third person in our lives... After deliberation, and countless reasoning for and against, both within and out of the personal circle, i believe that I have arrived at a personal decision.

Discussions with most people always narrow down to a few points, all which can be classified into for and against having a little one.

FOR
• someone to have around when you are old
• someone to inject excitment and love into an other wise stagnant environment
• the love for kids ( unquantifiable)
• the somewhat hard-to-describe feeling of happiness when you have kids of your own (unquantifiable)

AGAINST
• freedom trade-off
• finance trade-off
• the permanent responsibilty till 18
• child-centric lifestyle
• the need for at least 2 children
• no tangible benefits
• bringing a child to suffer in this world

I've come to realize that if you were to analyse it scientifically, there can really be no tangible rewards gained from having kids.

But somehow, using material reasons to counter against a topic as profound as life itself seems a tad shallow. How do you put a value to the experience of carrying your first child? Or feel the touch of your child's hand when they grab your hands for the first time? How do you put value to hearing your child call you "papa" or "mama" for the first time? How do you place value to the experience of them hugging you or giving you a kiss? How do you?

How do you measure the experience of seeing them grow up and contribute to society? How do you measure the experience of becoming a grandparent, teaching and sharing your life stories to your future grandchild?

Do you even dare forsake the chance of having the experience of a life time, just because you are too scared, too lazy or too busy to experience what life has to offer?

Why do we have to deny such an experience, simply because we want to cling on to a life full of self-deluded enjoyment?

I believe having a kid is immensly taxing, immensly difficult yet also immensly rewarding, if you bring up the kid well.

I cannot think of a greater satisfaction in life than to successfully nurture your child, so that they can grow up and be of use to society.

Lag

Been three days since I got back from that place. And I never expect the place to keep me awake for two consecutive nights.

What I can do now, is to lie down and hope sleep comes to me soon. And in this darkness of the night, I could feel the presence and warmth of puddy on my left, hugging her favourite bolster and perhaps even drooling on it. Cute.

Sometimes, she might even turn over and give me that occasional subconscious hug.

Perhaps it is nice to know that even in my darkest hour (literally speaking), I still have someone to hold on to.

I know of people who are all alone in the dark, some looking for the one, some resigned to being alone and others just being contented the way they are, or are they?

Frankly, I do not believe anyone would want to be alone. People are social creatures and that is the reason why we are born with five senses, so that we can better relate to one another. And to see, to touch and to feel.

This applies to relationships too. Show me someone who do not wish to be in a relationship and I will show you a penguin that can fly. We can not escape from relationships and that is a fact of life. Unfortunately, we may end up loving and sometimes hating it. That depends on which side of the fence you are on, no?

We are social creatures, exactly like how Mother Nature made us to be. So for all of you out there, it is ok to feel lonely at times and is also completely ok to feel pretty much alone in this world. This is because we are not made to live alone, but as a harmonious whole with people you can be with.

So when you are feeling all alone, remember, you are not alone in this. There are millions of people out there feeling the same way as you do.

You are not alone. You just need to act on it.