Chronicles of the Binks ::.

for posterity

2011-07-05T00:14:00.003+08:00

I could not imagine visiting this blog again after so many months of neglect. But hey, times have changed and so many things have had happened since I last blogged. In fact, somuch time has transpired that I don't think people blog nowadays. They Facebook.

In these times where Facebook reigns, I find myself seeking solace in my long forgetten blog, far away from friends who had probably forgotten the existence of this blog.

You know, I felt different every since I came back from Nepal. I felt different, a kind of sadness and longing for the mountains once again. In fact, I think I might have left a piece of me back at Nepal. The Himalayans is a magical place, one that no words can do justice to the experience gained through the sights and sounds of the place. It is as if I have found my santuary in life. There are times I found myself thinking of going back there again. I dream of the past, and long for it in the future. Yet, I'm not sure why this is happening. Someone mentioned that I am suffering from post holiday blues....maybe...maybe....but I am not sure if a holiday elsewhere will cure this depression

The worst was, I had an inkling to climb mt Everest.

Yet, in this whirlwind of emotions, I felt liberated and empowered to believe I can do the things I want to do, as long as I set my heart to it. And in these trying times' I hope I succeed. Few, if not none around me will understand what I felt the day I reached the summit of kalar pattar. That was the pinnicle of this entire trek. The struggle, the physical and mental exhaution cumulates to this one trek to 5,500m. It was to me, a moment in life, that I felt that I could conquer the world. that despite everything thrown at me, I can and did overcome these difficulties and reached for the top. The feeling of giving up was strong, but the act of overcoming these thoughts and reaching the top was utterly, breathtakingly beautiful, and emotionally overwhelming. It made all the pain, the exhaustion and anguish worth it. It was such a magical feelingbtyat I didn't mention much about this to anyone, for fear of diluting the wonderness of it. this experience changed the way I approach my life, post-nepal as well.

It allowed me to think that not all problems are as bad as you might think, but that all problems can be resolved if you said your heart to it. You just need to bear through the tough parts and it will all be fine. You might thunk that this is all familiar cliche motivational phrases. True, they are,but the difference is, I actually believed in them, because I have my footprints in snow on top of kalar pattar as evidence that all problems are summountable.

I hope that when I return one day to read this entry, my current problems have been resolved and that I can stand proud of having to conquer yet another problem in this problematic human life.

Ps- pardon the tardiness though.

It has been a while...

2010-06-08T00:48:00.003+08:00

I nearly forgotten that this blog existed, or was it that I rather not be reminded of it?

I don't know. These days I've bottled so much emotions in me that they become one big constipated mess. I'm not even sure what's what anymore. It's like rojak, you have pieces of radish, pineapple, cucumber and you-tiao all combined in one gigantic bowl topped with peanut sauce (or is it black sauce?).

I think I'm feeling disappointed. Heck, I am disappointed with so many things happening in life that I can't think and feel anymore. I'm kinda fumbling over everything that life threw at me and even now, as I write this, there's this thought in me to stop writing and just discard this blog. Why? Cause it doesn't matter. No matter how much you write, nothing will change. Change doesn't come from a URL on the Internet. It must come from something more concrete, like talking to a human being.

But as time creep by, I can't help but notice that there are lesser and lesser human beings around, so much so that I'm kind of crying inside and trying to seek solitude in the wonders of facebook and MSN.

Yeah right, it simply doesn't work.

I'm darn sure that I'm not the only one keeping awake at night waiting for people to talk to them, to seek that elusive connection with friends that social site promised but never really quite deliver... Our society has degraded to the point where interactions is conducted through mouse clicks of random likes and dislikes. What happened to presence? What happened to emotions? What happened to sincerity? And what the !@^%$#$ happened to the times where relation building is not adding a friend to your friggin facebook account?

Do not get me wrong, I think facebook brings convenience to our life of social interaction but it shouldn't be the only way to catch up with friends. It's like Avatar, except that you don't get to deal with a Navi' but more like a cold, dark LCD monitor. Try hugging it for warmth.

Sometimes, sometimes I missed the good ole days, the days where everyone is still everyone and not someone's and obligation is only found in a dictionary.

These days...I do not want to think about these days...

"And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be..." - Let it be, The Beatles

Night

2010-02-23T01:23:00.000+08:00

The world always feel the loneliest at night. We are connected, but only through a cold hard glass.

Whom then, can I seek the solace I desire, and stop the endless torment of the night?

Songs that I have not sung, words that I have not whispered. When then, can I be free to speak the words and sing the songs of my soul?

And whose ears shall be the willing recepient where these words rest?

To be or not to be, that is the question

2010-02-11T23:23:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks, there was a raging debate on whether we should accomodate for a third person in our lives... After deliberation, and countless reasoning for and against, both within and out of the personal circle, i believe that I have arrived at a personal decision.

Discussions with most people always narrow down to a few points, all which can be classified into for and against having a little one.

FOR
• someone to have around when you are old
• someone to inject excitment and love into an other wise stagnant environment
• the love for kids ( unquantifiable)
• the somewhat hard-to-describe feeling of happiness when you have kids of your own (unquantifiable)

AGAINST
• freedom trade-off
• finance trade-off
• the permanent responsibilty till 18
• child-centric lifestyle
• the need for at least 2 children
• no tangible benefits
• bringing a child to suffer in this world

I've come to realize that if you were to analyse it scientifically, there can really be no tangible rewards gained from having kids.

But somehow, using material reasons to counter against a topic as profound as life itself seems a tad shallow. How do you put a value to the experience of carrying your first child? Or feel the touch of your child's hand when they grab your hands for the first time? How do you put value to hearing your child call you "papa" or "mama" for the first time? How do you place value to the experience of them hugging you or giving you a kiss? How do you?

How do you measure the experience of seeing them grow up and contribute to society? How do you measure the experience of becoming a grandparent, teaching and sharing your life stories to your future grandchild?

Do you even dare forsake the chance of having the experience of a life time, just because you are too scared, too lazy or too busy to experience what life has to offer?

Why do we have to deny such an experience, simply because we want to cling on to a life full of self-deluded enjoyment?

I believe having a kid is immensly taxing, immensly difficult yet also immensly rewarding, if you bring up the kid well.

I cannot think of a greater satisfaction in life than to successfully nurture your child, so that they can grow up and be of use to society.

Lag

2009-12-01T02:02:00.000+08:00

Been three days since I got back from that place. And I never expect the place to keep me awake for two consecutive nights.

What I can do now, is to lie down and hope sleep comes to me soon. And in this darkness of the night, I could feel the presence and warmth of puddy on my left, hugging her favourite bolster and perhaps even drooling on it. Cute.

Sometimes, she might even turn over and give me that occasional subconscious hug.

Perhaps it is nice to know that even in my darkest hour (literally speaking), I still have someone to hold on to.

I know of people who are all alone in the dark, some looking for the one, some resigned to being alone and others just being contented the way they are, or are they?

Frankly, I do not believe anyone would want to be alone. People are social creatures and that is the reason why we are born with five senses, so that we can better relate to one another. And to see, to touch and to feel.

This applies to relationships too. Show me someone who do not wish to be in a relationship and I will show you a penguin that can fly. We can not escape from relationships and that is a fact of life. Unfortunately, we may end up loving and sometimes hating it. That depends on which side of the fence you are on, no?

We are social creatures, exactly like how Mother Nature made us to be. So for all of you out there, it is ok to feel lonely at times and is also completely ok to feel pretty much alone in this world. This is because we are not made to live alone, but as a harmonious whole with people you can be with.

So when you are feeling all alone, remember, you are not alone in this. There are millions of people out there feeling the same way as you do.

You are not alone. You just need to act on it.

Blogging at the gateway

2009-11-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I last blog about anything. But the fact of the matter is, there isn't any thing worth while for me to comment on for the past weeks. And some times when I do, I was too tired to pen down my thoughts.

But at last, I found a nice segment of quiet time to do a little bit of a stack dump.

But at this juncture, I have nothing much to say, only the fact that people much learn how to cherish one another. Not for the moment, but forever. However, this can never be because there is no forever and there will always been an end to all things.

The only thing you can do is to cherish the immediate time you have with others as a little can often go a long way...

How do you view money?

2009-10-11T21:52:00.003+08:00

In the past 2 days, two different groups of people that I went out with said exactly the same thing. "why other people can earn so much? I also want."

Naturally, who doesn't want a 10k per month salary, a 2 story house, a sports car and other whats not.

But the thing is, do you think you are worse off now compared to when you have immense wealth? Sure, big house, big car, big whatever, but is that what you really want in life? Or is it all part of what you are exposed to that makes you think becoming rich is really what you want, over what you really really want?

Now, what do you really want in life?

6 years ago, when I was in Kolkata, I've seen happier children there than in Singapore, even though the children here have all the things that they want and those in Kolkata have literally nothing. Why?

In my course of interaction and delivering free meals to the elderly and the needy living in one room flats, I do not think that giving them money will solve their situations, because all they truly want is companionship. Money cannot solve that.

When babies are born, do you think they know what the concept of money is? Do you think they need money to be happy? No. They need companionship. Love. Food.

As adults, do you think money can buy you all your relationships, friends, family? Or are you contented being alone in your big empty house and enduring superficial relationships with people who wants to be friends with your money?

I'm not saying we should not strive to improve our quality of life but the thought of wanting to be rich needs further deliberation. Why do you want to get rich? You might be surprise to find that it may not be material wealth that you are after, but perhaps something that even all the money in the world can't get you.

Eat meat for boy, eat veggie for girls

2009-09-18T19:27:00.006+08:00

Had lunch with friends on Thursday and the issue of diet came up. Not the normal diet discussion that you will expect such as 'what kind of food stuff is healthy' but rather something more....sexist.

You see, the discussion was about what kinds of food to eat should you prefer a baby of a specific gender.

They say meat if you want a boy and veggies, if, you want a baby girl.

Luckily, I like veggies.

And it rained...

2009-09-16T22:51:00.002+08:00

Today is the first time that I had experience rain as I was leaving work for home.

The sky was grey.

The rain falling mercilessly onto the concrete pavement.

The smell of freshly cut grass.

My wet pair of shoes.

People running, seeking shelter.

People walking under colorful umbrellas.

Cars zoomed by, making water splashes as they went along.

The leaves of trees dances with the pelting of rain.

I didn't know rain is interesting. The first time I saw rain as I left work for home.

A stab in the dark

2009-09-09T22:10:00.010+08:00

SINGAPORE: The teenage Taoist medium who organised a suicide pact had been upset over his parents' divorce.

The coroner's court heard this as the brother and friends of 16-year-old medium Ku Witaya took the stand in court on Tuesday.

(a) Witaya had convinced seven other teenagers to take part in the suicide pact last year.

Witaya and Sia Chan Hong fell nine storeys to their death, while the others backed out at the last minute.

The tragedy happened at Block 667, Jalan Damai in Kaki Bukit in the wee hours of August 23 last year.

Witaya had told them the world is coming to an end and they would be resurrected as slayers of demons.

(b)On Tuesday, Witaya's friends testified that he seemed troubled and stressed over his parents' divorce and financial problems. One said Witaya had previously mentioned that death will solve all his problems.

(c)A diary entry by one of the witnesses was also read in court. The entry said he was now going to be a slayer and that he cannot be a doctor or a lawyer when he grows up.

- CNA/ir

From this article, I would like to draw your attention to the following phrases:

(a) Witaya had convinced seven other teenagers to take part in the suicide pact last year.

Teenagers need to belong to feel that they are wanted/needed/accepted and being part of a group actually raises their self esteem. Further, peers are of greater importance to these teenagers as they seek to break away from parental influences, values and controls.

(b)On Tuesday, Witaya's friends testified that he seemed troubled and stressed over his parents' divorce and financial problems. One said Witaya had previously mentioned that death will solve all his problems.

Suicide is a classic tool used by some teenagers to run away from problems. Some of these young people attempt to withdraw by taking their own lives. Acts of suicide often indicate a real desire to die, but it also indicates that the young person is also crying for help.

(c)A diary entry by one of the witnesses was also read in court. The entry said he was now going to be a slayer and that he cannot be a doctor or a lawyer when he grows up.

Did he really wanted to be a lawyer or doctor when he grew up? Or was it due to parental pressure?

Piecing together the puzzle...A feable attempt at psychoanalysis

I think there were several cumulating factors that resulted in this tragedy. However, as there was not much information available in the article, much can only be extrapolated from whatever is available.

Based on the above 4 points, it is apparent that the teenager was running away from some sort of problem. The reported case of parental and financial problems may only be the straw that broke the camel's back. He has some form of escapisim, in his medium world where he can be useful and needed. This is depicted by his conviction that he can be resurrected as slayer of devils. Further, it is interesting to note that he is convienced that the world will come to an end and demons will rule the world. He had a fatalistic view that the world is all bad and nothing can be done to save it. This seemed to suggest that he had seen the ugly truth of the woes of adult lifes (perhaps from his parents divorce, financial woes and untold miseries that he might have) and decided that he wanted no part in this evil world. This is a real pity, as nobody is able to guide him, to offer him a more balanced view of this world(that the world is not all bad). And to extrapolate on this further, perhaps his resentment of his own impending adult life pushed him into believing that by committing suicide, he is able to avoid the path into adulthood.

Whichever the case, it was also unfortunate that he was charismatic enough to convience his peers in believing his inner world and form followers out of them (even 18 years old). A pity, considering that someone as charismatic as him may someday grow up to be a good leader, if he was given the chance to be shown the proper way...

MBTI confusion

2009-09-01T20:20:00.003+08:00

I've talked to alot of people who had taken the MBTI type indicator test before (may be online, secondary school etc etc) and I've noticed most people have some confusion over the meaning of the word Introversion / Extraversion.

According to Wikipedia, the definitions are as follows:

"The preferences for extraversion (thus spelled in Myers-Briggs jargon) and introversion are sometimes referred to as attitudes. Briggs and Myers recognized that each of the cognitive functions can operate in the external world of behavior, action, people and things (extraverted attitude) or the internal world of ideas and reflection (introverted attitude). The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator sorts for an overall preference for one or the other of these."

What this paragraph is saying that extraversion are NOT people who likes to be around people and introversion are NOT people who prefer to be left alone. Extraversion in MBTI context can comprise of people who are extrovered and introvered and vice versa.

Then what does Extraversion and Introversion really mean in MBTI?

It means that if you are of type Introversion, you gain your energy from being alone. You can be talking to people and attend parties but doing all these will leave you drained. You have to spend some quiet time alone to recharge yourself.

For extraversion, you are the complete opposite. Being with people recharges your energy and being alone will drain you of your energy. You need to talk to people, be with people to feel recharged and all happy.

Remember, the Extraversion/Introversion aspect of the MBTI is talking about how an individual recharges oneself (whether he/she is inward facing or outward facing) and not based on his/her preference of liking better to be with people or being alone.

Reminiscing the past?

2009-08-27T00:32:00.003+08:00

Have you ever read back on the things you wrote in the past?

I did. And it is a mixed bag of emotions. Some were funny. Some were good old memories. And a handful were downright weird.

"Did i write that? Did I ever......write that?" I apparently did.

The funny bone in me seemed to be broken after 2007. There were less and less blog entries that were funny...until there are no/infrequent blogpost at all to date. Why?

The good old memories were...good. In the year dated 2006 and beyond, the blog entries were brimming with youthful energy, full of fun and laughter. A handful were emotional, but in a good sort of way (Princess, you gotta see some of the postings i've written). As for the handful of weird ones, well, let's leave it as that shall we?

Looking back, I kind of miss the spontaneity and energy I had in the past in writing the blog entries. My last few entries were lethargic, to say the least. It was as if there was this shackle wrapped around my heart, weighing me down, draining me of energy to write like i used to.

I am concerned because this meant that my avenue to articulate my feelings are not being used and all those feelings are internalised. Not a very good thing in terms of mental health. The next question to ask is then, why am I interalising more than I used to?

Dunno.

But, that is also fine.

Anyway back to the main topic, I think reading back on the past is a good thing. Perhaps that is why some people like to keep diaries, so that they can have a record of what happened so many years ago. ha.

Angry.

2009-08-14T02:31:00.001+08:00

Angry. The whole world shuts its door on you when you so desire help. There is no one around to help me. I can't be my own psychologist.

Logically, this may not be true, but at this point in time, it is true to me because I believe this is so.

The text that describes the feeling...

2009-06-21T22:57:00.002+08:00

"I know you're going to do this. I don't really understand why you want to put yourself at such risk. I'll try to be supportive, but just don't expect me to pretend to be happy about it." I knew that not being able to share this danger with me was one of the hardest things for her to accept about the situation.

- excerpt from the book "First in Afghanistan"

Bonds!

2009-06-15T00:24:00.002+08:00

The experience of the old life came quite suddenly, caught me unprepared and completely off-guard. But strangely, I did not resend it, but instead, allowed the experience to flow through me, invoking memories of the past and reliving them in the present.

Sadly, the past can never be totally re-lived. People come and go. Bonds strengthen and weaken. Things will never be the same again. In the course of 3 years, I've seen the countless formation of new bonds, and the breakage of old ones. Honor the old. Cherish the new. For you never know when they will all but disappear.

I hope, with time, bonds that I had painstakingly forged will only grow stronger. But alas, I can only hope. In faith I hope.

I'm back!

2009-06-13T23:52:00.004+08:00

It is soooo soooo nice to be back writing on my blog again after a long hiatus. Somehow, for the past 3 months, I didn't have the mood to write and even if I did, the words just couldn't flow.

It seems I have lost touch with my inner-self.

The past 3 months had gone-by in a whirl and much had happened. Much. Life is a journey that starts with self-discovery and it begins with the awareness of self. And only then you can proceed to conquer the world. And not look back.

Not look back. The future is all that matters.

I dreamed a dream

2009-04-16T00:26:00.000+08:00

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

Metaphorically Speaking...

2009-04-02T02:22:00.002+08:00

The tides are shifting. Barely a whisper of movement but the tides are shifting. It senses the shift and resists against it, like it did for eons. It will assimilate successfully this new shift, like all shifts before it, or will it?

There is a wisp of fear lingering around. A tiny speck of fear that has been growing with the flow of time. Perhaps one day, this fear will materalise but for now, the usual dose of medicine will do the trick.

But the days of today are different from the days of the past. The lands are ravaged by greed, selfishness and cruelity. And are already beginning to crumble. It might not be this shift. Or the next 20 or even the next 500 shifts that will destroy these lands. But eventually, nothing will stand the test of time. There will always be a beginning, and an end. And the beginning of the end will begin with a single step. One that will unravel the tapesty of its' fate. One that will lead it to oblivion.

We can only hope and even pray, that when that time comes, there is still some good left on these forsaken lands, a reason, a hope, to give meaning to our actions when salvation begins.

Or perhaps, it might already be too late.

Blogging Constipation

2009-03-23T00:49:00.003+08:00

Blogging Constipation is a self coined term for someone who has so much to write on his/her happenings in his/her insignificant lil' life that the channeling of thoughts through the brain had all but 'corked' shut like a cock in a champaign bottle.

And that is precisely how I feel at the present moment, after delaying penning(metaphorically speaking) down thoughts which I had allow to accumulate from a tiny little heap into an Everest of words. Which subsequently jammed up the "brain-to-finger" channel with a massive tsunami of jumbled thoughts.

What is a good laxative?

The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning

2009-02-16T02:00:00.007+08:00

2008 Alfa Romeo 147 Ti
2008 Alfa Romeo 159 2.2

2008 Alfa Romeo 159 1.9 Diesel

2009 Audi A3 1.8TFSI

2009 Audi A4 Avant 3.2TFSI

2009 Audi A6 2.0TFSI
2009 BMW 335i

2009 BMW M3 4.0

2008 BMW X5 4.8i

2008 Chevrolet Aveo5

2009 Chevrolet Epica 2.0

2008 Chery T11

2008 Fiat Punto 1.4 Diesel

2008 Ford Mondeo 2.3

2008 Ford S-Max 2.3

2009 Honda Jazz 1.3

2009 Honda Jazz 1.5

2008 Honda Accord 2.0

2008 Honda CRV 2.0

2008 Honda CRV 2.4

2008 KIA Cerato Variant 2
2009 KIA Cerato Forte

2006 Lexus RX300

2007 Land Rover Freelander 2

2008 Mazda 2

2007 Mercedes C350

2007 Mercedes GL450

2007 Mercedes A170

2009 MINI Cabrio

2007 Mitsubishi Lancer EX 1.5

2008 Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution X

2008 Mitsubishi Delica D:5

2007 Nissan 350Z

2007 Nissan Latio Sports

2007 Nissan Lafesta

2008 Nissan Qashqai

2008 Nissan Murano 3.5

2008 Opel Vectra 2.2

2008 Peugeot 308 Turbo

2009 Perodua Myvi

2008 Renault Clio 1.6

2008 Renault Koleos 2.5

2008 Saab 9-3 Sportscombi

2007 Subaru Impreza WRX 2.5 Sedan

2008 Subaru Impreza S-GT

2008 Subaru Impreza WRX 2.5 Hatch

2008 Subaru Forrester 2.0

2008 Suzuki Swift 1.5

2008 Suzuki Swift Sports (M)

2008 Suzuki Swift Sports (A)

2007 Suzuki SX4 Sedan

2008 Suzuki SX4

2008 Toyota Previa 2.4

2008 Toyota Vios 1.5

2008 Toyota Altis 1.6

2008 Toyota RAV4 2.4

2008 Volkswagen Polo 1.4TDI

2008 Volkswagen Jetta 1.4TSI

2008 Volkswagen Jetta 2.0 Gli

2008 Volkswagen Jetta 2.0TFSI

2008 Volkswagen Golf-Sports 1.4TSI

2008 Volkswagen Golf GTI

2008 Volkswagen Touran 1.4TSI

2008 Volkswagen Tourag R50

2008 Volkswagen EOS

2008 Volkswagen Passat 1.8T

2008 Volkswagen Passat R36

2008 Volvo S40 2.4

2009 Volvo XC60

2008 Volvo XC90

Need I say more?

In the end, the race is only with yourself

2009-02-13T17:58:00.001+08:00

It is ok to be sad.

It is ok to be miserable.

It is ok to be inferior.

Because it is wonderful to be human beings.

Of course, sometimes, just sometimes, emotions may run on the wild side, gives you

a little "kick in the butt" and takes you on a roller coaster ride but it doesn't really matter.

Because what matters is your acknowledgement of these wayward emotions. Learn to live with them. Understand them. Face them.

I cannot teach you how to do so - each have their own path to take to recovery - I can only encourage you along your journey. The rest is really up to no one but yourself.

Take heart, for the journey is long.

But in the end, it is only with yourself.

Friends

2009-01-21T15:26:00.003+08:00

While chatting with a friend of mine, the topic of friends was brought up. She says "Isn't it sad that we do not keep touch with friends as often as we want anymore?". To highlight this fact even further, I said "well...friends are only there when your path in life coincide. Other than that, it is really hard to continue to keep in constant contact".

To sum it up in one sentence, "Friends come and go. Only a precious few will stay on."

Emotionally, it may be sad. But there is nothing sad about the way life is. But there is much to be desirerdt if you do not cherish those moments that you have with your companions.

That, is the real sad bit.

Just today, we had a farewell lunch at Bathers (western food restaurant near sunset way). This friend of ours is returning to China for good and we had the intend to treat him to a farewell lunch. Mid-way during lunch, two of our collegues just so happened to eat at the same place.

The most heart-warming bit was that he insisted on paying for the meal (which isn't cheap, should be around 90 bucks in total) and under the pretext of going to the toilet, paid for our meals.

Not only that, when we came back into office, we also discovered that he had also silently paid for the other two collegues that was seating in the next table.

Sometimes, just sometimes, when we are too focused on achieving materalistic wants, too bend on saving for a rainy day, too caught up trying to be rich and successful, we tend to forget that there are much simple things in life waiting for us to see, to experience, to do. And to feel good about.

Sometimes, all it takes is to see beyond the things that blinded us and focus on things that really matters. So what matters? It's the people around you. Your family and your friends. Without them, without these basic pillars of life, no life can be meaninful, no life can be fulfilling. All you can have is only a bland mix of going through the motion. People around you are the ones that gives flavors to your life.

Remember that.

Journey

2009-01-13T19:09:00.002+08:00

Thus far I have come...

but how long more...

how long more...

The Spirit Within

2008-11-10T02:07:00.006+08:00

There are things in the past that still resides - Memories of old, of yesteryears, which still lingers like the undying whisps of smoke. Memories that should not have been remembered. Memories that incur hatred, bitterness and vengeful thoughts. Memories that ought to be washed away with the endless, flowing tides of time - but wasn't.

Why then?

The song of youth was sung a long time ago, in a turmoil of time where feelings blossom and whither like the flowers. Blame indeed. But one that was necessary, or not. Blame induce anger. Anger induce hate. And hate induce bitterness. A never ending spiral that only result in regret.

A toast of apology, a smile of regret and sadness, is all that the present can offer. It may not be enough, but perhaps, it may help stop the ebb of spirit, and lay to rest the thoughts that still lingers.

Only then, can the wretched sail into the west.

P.S: A story that is untold isn't the whole truth. Only fools hide in shadows, whispering of things that may be, relishing in the pool of self-content and self-righteousness. Be wary, for the world moves by while you bask in the shadows. See in the mirror - for the pot always calls the kettle black.

Farewell~

2008-11-06T20:58:00.002+08:00

I have not been posting on this blog and the first post that I want to make after a long hiatus is a sad one.

Michael Crichton passed away yesterday! I love his books and that is because he always manages to infuse science and story-telling into one big pot of excitement.

Too bad he is gone now. And at least there is an excuse for me to buy his last book. At least his legacy lives on...

Updates

2008-09-03T00:08:00.003+08:00

It has been a while since I last updated my blog...but I really have nothing much to blog about. Most of my time has now being diverted either to the stupid symfony or CS or Band of brothers.

But at least I get more now.

And I still have a leg in the old.

Hope I didn't bite off more than I can chew.

Choking can be bad for health I think.

Absence makes the heart fonder...

2008-08-24T23:49:00.002+08:00

I think the Idiom is true - It made me do the above.

BBQ at East Coast

2008-08-09T03:26:00.002+08:00

Ah, no pictures but....

have to thank stella ( i know you are reading my blog from time to time!) and huiping for going through the trouble of organizing this little get-together. It was really great, considering that all of those you invited came!

Time flies. Some are already married and some are planning to get married. 3 years. So much has transcended in this 3 years. It makes one wonder when would be the next time when we can all meet again. But at least we had the opportunity of this night to catch up with each other and sharing stories of the past 3 years.

Food is great too. But it's the company that makes the food sumptuous.

Till we all meet again....

National Day...

2008-08-04T00:03:00.003+08:00

I remember when I was young, blocks were "painted" in a sea of red and white as almost, if not all of the residence will hang up their Singapore flag proudly. I liked that. It shows that the people of Singapore "having a sense of belonging and pride" in the country they call home to.

Now fast forward 10 years. Singapore have had undergone rapid changes in a short period of time, including the fact that no one hang their flags up anymore.

Zilch.

If widespread unhappiness is the result of our progress, i rather we not have drastic progress at the expense of unhappiness, resentment, anger and the lost of a sense of belonging to this place which people used to call "my country, my home".

What's good 2 casinos, a horde of FTs and tons of money in a country when patriotism is gone? It makes the National Day parade sounds like a whole lot of bang with no soul.

The VW Touareg V10 TDI experience

2008-07-28T18:48:00.004+08:00

On an early saturday morning, we had the opportunity to be the first few to test drive the new VW Touareg. Now, this Touareg is not your usual run-of-the-mill SUV. This Touareg has the letters "TDI" attached to it.

And these are some very special words. So special that any petrolhead will go jelly in the knees when they hear them.

Allow me to explain. The "TDI" stands for Turbocharged Direct Injection and is VW's acronym for all their turbocharged diesel engine. Yes....this monster is a diesel. Now, for those of you who know enough to differentiate between a car and a truck, you will immediately know that diesel-based cars have more low-end torque compared to their petrol counterparts. But this increase comes with the sacrifice of high-end power, noted by the 4.5k rev-limit on diesel engines.

What makes this Touareg so special is that it doesn't sacrifice on high-end power and that is why petrolheads will go weak in their knees. This Toureg has all the benefits of a diesel and none of it's drawbacks. The R50 contains a 5-litre, V10 turbocharged engine giving 850NM at a low 2000rpm and 350bhp at 3500rpm which will power the behemoth from 0-100km in 6.7 seconds and all the way to the 235km/h limit. All it takes is for you to floor the accelerator and you will be in warp speed the very next moment. Or a hefty speeding fine.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the luxury of testing the car extensively but from the short 10-min drive, it was enough for me to peg the $298,000 asking price as emotionally worthwhile. You just have to listen to the engine note and exhaust burble. Nothing like the clittery-clap of diesels!

It is not often that you can have so much power in your hands. Or in something this huge.

A wierd dream

2008-07-25T18:43:00.002+08:00

I had a...nightmare this morning...it seems. I'm unsure because even though the dream was eerie, it didn't really make me few scared...just spooked.

The background of the dream was in some island resort (like Tioman) and a group of us (I can't remember who was in it but I do remember familar faces like ZJ and others which I obviously do not know who they are, but they are my friends in the dream). We were in a resort where electricty, water, food are provided by push carts but some how as the dream developed, there was the saying that an evil is arriving and all the push carts start to leave the island, leaving us without food, water or electrocity.

IT was a beginning of evil and the group of us hudled together in this tall tower above the resort looking pass calm blue seas and tall volcanic islands a distance away while someone in our group was fending off some evil creature with a circular shield. Then the dream shifted back to the group on the ground, this time with some girl which was suppose to be evil but in the end, she was helping us by leading us into the resort rooms to hide from the evil creatures. While that happened, me and my another friend had a need to pee but since there was no light, we decided to pee in the open so that no evil creatures could catch us while being vulnerable. The dream ended when the girl said "dun pee there" because people can see us from across the resort block.

Wierd like hell, I say.

The wonders of TV

2008-07-14T00:38:00.005+08:00

For those of you who managed to catch me on TV, well, do not believe that all-was-ok in that few seconds of clip; in fact, there was widespread panic and furor off-screen as we tried to piece the film together - Things that you should know:

1. There were a handful of retakes because I was trying hard not to squint while reading the script
2. kudos to the producers for being able to NOT portray me as a stuttering idiot who do not know how to speak chinese, which in fact, was the case in some of the takes
3. Last but not least, a VERY BIG THANKS to damsie for helping me script the text. Without it, I think i would have literally died (a.k.a looking like an idiot on TV)

Also, don't ask me about the clip because when it aired, I was millions of meters away in Malaysia trying to find food.

And to those who do not know what i'm talking about, well, nevermind =)

ANd no, I have some strange resentment in watching myself on TV, so I did not record a single thing.

Hello....

2008-06-27T04:23:00.002+08:00

您好，上次遇见您的时候，已经有好几个月前的事情了，但我那时跟你所说过的话，我没忘记。但是，没想到，我还是没有你哪莫的了解她. 我已经尽量了,但是试种还是没有彻底的了解和体会到她的心. 我绝得好失败...

I'll be there

You and I must make a pact
We must bring salvation back
Where there is love
I'll be there

I'll reach out my hand to you
I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name
And I'll be there

I'll be there to comfort you
Build my world of dreams around you
I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love that's strong
I'll be your strength I'll keep holding on

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness is all I'm after
Just call my name And I'll be there

I'll be there to protect you
With an unselfish love I'll respect you
Just call my name And I'll be there

I'll be there to comfort you
Build my world of dreams around you
I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love so strong
I'll be your strength
I'll keep holding on

If you should ever find someone new
I know he'd better be good to you
'Cause if he doesn't I'll be there

I'll be there
I'll be there
Just call my name
I'll be there
I'll be there
I'll be there
Whenever you need me I'll be there

Singaporeans are happy?

2008-06-12T02:13:00.003+08:00

On a CNA tickertape, I saw a news snippet that exclaims that most Singaporeans are "happy". On a scale of 1 to 10, Singaporeans rate themselves 6.6 on average (out of 10) in a survey done by some Japanese Pharma. company.

I have a question.

If 1 is not happy and 10 is very happy. That means 5 is neutral. Therefore, a rating of 6.6 should mean that Singaporeans are somewhere between feeling neutral and a little bit happy isn't it? If that is the case, that means the survey conclusion should be: "Singaporeans are a-little-bit happy only " and not "Singaporeans are generally happy", right?

Also hor, no one survey me leh. What are the profiles of the 750 people surveyed? What is the measurement of the happiness factor based on? Never say leh. I wonder if they got interview the old auntie who collect cans or the blind uncle who sells tissue or not.

The article also say people working in the airline, automobile and transportation sectors are the happiest people.

This one interesting. Maybe the survey only interview airline pilots, Porsche salesman and taxi drivers (Taxi drivers is because they finally get to drive new cars instead of the boring Toyota Crown which have been around since Policemen wore shorts.)

Latest: I also found a survey (http://www.happyplanetindex.org/map.htm) that concludes that Singapore is ranked 131 out of 178 in terms of happiness but that was dated 2006. So that means Singaporeans must have become happier in the past 2 years ah.

=======================
From CNA:

A survey shows Singaporeans are generally happy, scoring 6.6 on an index of 1 to 10.

43.5 percent of 750 Singaporeans surveyed said family was the most important contributor to overall happiness, followed by friends and good health.

On jobs, the survey showed that those in the airline, automobile and transportation sectors are the happiest people in Singapore, while those in the arts and entertainment scene scored the lowest on the SOYJOY Index.

The survey, conducted via face-to-face random interviews, also found that Singaporeans are generally cheered up by simple things like eating good food, playing with kids, and listening to music.

The findings of the survey, conducted by a Japanese pharmaceutical company, were released on Wednesday.

A pillar of humanity

2008-06-08T01:52:00.009+08:00

While overlooking the city lights on the top of the hill, locked in an embrace of warmth in the cold windy night, the question of "what is love" was brought up.

An interesting philosophical question for a night like this, considering the question is probably as old as mankind itself and yet man had failed for centuries to get a firm grasp on one of the underlying pillars of humanity.

So what is love? A search on Google churned out a list of suggestive explanations; All of which can be summed up by the definition, "a feeling of deep positive emotion for something/someone". However, it does not make the person reading any closer in understanding more about this elusive four letter word. It is akin to saying a Durian is a fruit, while not offering much about what exactly IS a Durian.

While the purpose of the rest of this article is NOT to offer a detail explanation on what exactly love is or what it does, what I hope this article will achieve is to for you, as a reader, to think about what you think love is. Because that is all that matters. Really.

Imagine that you have an apple that is red and crunchy. You like this apple because it is crunchy. Another person likes the apple because it is red. Both of you like the apple, but for completely different reasons. This is similar to what love is.

The difficulty lies in knowing yourself and the type of love that you are looking for and whether you are able to find it. Some are contented with that they have; Others hop from relationship to relationship to find the right love. Some are so swept away at first sight that they felt they got the right love.

Which ever the case, it is you who give yourself a definition to love. And it is only you, who can give yourself the reason not to love.

The past, haunting

2008-05-25T20:13:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, just sometimes when an innocent decision made could create repercussions that propagate throughout a lifetime and leave deep and profound impact in you as you grow.

The most that you could do is to push the regret aside, especially if you are unable to correct the decision made. The least you could do, is nothing, and let it consume you, leaving you feeling utterly helpless - akin to watching a train bearing down on you when you lay shackled on the tracks.

Yet sometimes, even when you have pushed the regret aside, the past still comes back to haunt you, and make you remember the decisions that you have made that led to this. And you cringe. But there is nothing that you can do.

And again.

And again.

It is as if time is the spit-fire on which you roast on your regret.

Don't give up, You are loved

2008-05-21T22:40:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to the one. You know who you are.

Lost

2008-05-14T01:24:00.000+08:00

I. Am. Lost.

Movies are not entertainment

2008-05-07T00:19:00.002+08:00

If you flip through the newspaper, more often than not, movie reviews are classified under the entertainment section. A fair deal, considering that movies are created to entertain people, to whisk them into a make-believe world where good always triumphs over evil, where bad guys finish last and happy endings are always the order of the day.

You would then have to agree with me when I say that movies are created as a form of escape, a mental sanctuary from the harsh and cruel world for 180 minutes. Which also set you back $8.50.

Then, why should movies be labeled as entertainment?

I think they should be called cocoons instead.

Movies are the cocoons for the mind, to shield them against the realities of the world and immerse them in the perfect fantasy world. The movie experience is not only about the story but also about the removal from reality the movie-goer can experience when they are engrossed in the story.

And with that, it gives the movie-goer a renewed sense of hope and purpose, that everything will be ok with this world. Just like false hopes.

The truth is, nothing is fair in this world.

And movies are the heroin to fix it.

Photo Essay

2008-05-05T00:36:00.002+08:00

Keppel by the Bay - It's just an awful waste of space, for now.

Unique!

Budding supermodel

Yishun Ave 1. - I think...

Foodie!

Haunting Thoughts

2008-04-29T01:30:00.002+08:00

Do you have a greatest fear?

I do.

I don't want to be last.

And all the Ls related to last.

Highlights of Cameron, Part 1

2008-04-15T00:20:00.007+08:00

Robinson's Fall, Tanah Rata

Lettuce produced, Healthy Strawberry Farm, Brinchang

Strawberry Flower, KHM Strawberry farm, Tanah Rata

Bee on a flower, Mardi, Tanah Rata

Lilies, Mardi, Tanah Rata

Summit, Gunang Brinchang

Wobbling with Puddy

2008-03-11T01:21:00.004+08:00

The little lamb have been wobbling with the puddy for one sunnie and 2 moonies already. All in all, we had our fun times, our very fun times and our extremely fun times. But of course, we have had our dark times - alone - because we fear to burden the other silly one.

Skepticism and wariness was the order of the day when the journey first started. The puddy was bent on throwing pies while the silly lamb was trying to eat them as fast as puddy can throw. Yet. throughout it all, the lamb saw how sweet the puddy is (even though she IS a bitter-sweet dessert) and decided that there is no one as special as this blob of choco fudge (including all the bitter parts that is).

And through it all, this little puddy always make little sacrifices for the mehz just to make that lamb happy. Without expecting anything in return. And because of that, this little lamb tried his best - as fast as his little totters can move - to try to make this little puddy happy too.

Now, the time has come, for this little lamb to tell the whole world on what the lamb have to do next....

Close your eyes and listen....

2008-03-07T01:17:00.002+08:00

But before you do, let me share with you a little background on this piece of music.

Jay Chattaway composed this music for the Star Trek episode "The Inner Light", which he later expanded this piece into a six-minute orchestral suite that is available on "The Best of Star Trek: 30th Anniversary Special" soundtrack CD.

This episode won the 1993 Hugo Award for Best Dramatic Presentation.The episode is considered by many fans to be the most touching of the series' episodes.This episode won the 1993 Hugo Award for Best Dramatic Presentation.

The brass Ressikan flute (which Picard used in the film) was one of the items up for bid at the Christie's official studio auction of Star Trek memorabilia, which took place on October 5-7, 2006. The flute, which cannot actually be played, was originally estimated to have a sale price of $300. Auction directors admitted that their estimates for many items did not "factor in that emotional fury generated around this kind of material." The estimate was later raised to $800-$1200 on Christie's website.

In the days leading up to the auction, Denise Okuda, former Trek scenic artist and video supervisor as well as co-writer of the auction catalog, stated that "That's the item people say they really have to have, because it's so iconic to a much-beloved episode." The final bid for the flute at the auction was $40,000. Including the additional 20% fee Christie's collected on all items from the winning bidder, the total price for the flute was $48,000(S$67,200).

6 years on...

2008-02-27T04:03:00.006+08:00

The late Ong Teng Chong passed away on 8th February 2002 and 6 years have passed since then. He has always been someone that I look up to, a role-model of sorts, even though I do not know him personally;but by piecing together the articles written about him, I think I might.

I wrote an article on him back in 2006 (Perhaps it was cut & paste from somewhere cos the article really was quite well written, IMHO. link : http://chroniclesbinks.blogspot.com/2006/05/great-man-to-remember.html ) but that was a long time ago. 6 years to be exact.

6 years on, things have changed. The world have moved on. The environment changed. The people changed. So has the motive.

Yet, this man, unknowingly and very strangely remain etched in my memory, occasionally resurfacing when I delve into the narcosis of things related to Singapore. Despite the fact that I have changed over the course of the years.

I am no longer that vocal, no longer that critical and very much mellowed in my expressions. And in the way I express them. Thoughts that once flowed no longer have the luxury of freedom but exists freely only within the confides of my inner self.

The change is not a resignation to fate, but the realisation of a greater truth, the lesser of two evils, that prompted a change of strategy. In layman terms; to adapt and suit the situation.

The passing of Ong Teng Chong represents the end of an era. And the beginning of another. I remember him not for his legacy, but him as a person. To the me of 6 years ago, he was the epitome of everything fair, impartial yet kind; a people's President. You may not agree but at least a common point can be established when I say that his heart is for his people: the people who had elected him President back in 1993.

Ad honorem.

"Love is a choice, not merely a feeling. It is a journey, not merely a collection of promises made in the heat of passion. Indeed, to experience true love, one must learn to let go of that which is fleeting and transient, and embrace the higher infinite."

Sometimes I wish I can be in the arms of an angel....

2008-02-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

A week-point-five in summary

2008-02-21T01:57:00.004+08:00

Amazing Race Asia 2 Press event at Forbidden City. Drank ONLY coke. Met Joanna there. Small world.

Behind the scene on the photoshoot for Oneshift.com. 40 mins rush work under the hot setting sun.

The UFO has landed on Istana! Food by Maritus Hotel? So-so.

My poor steakii stayed up with me throughout the night to complete an important presentation (yeah right!) . She was so tired that by 4.30am, she plonked right on the keyboard and zzzz.

Behind the scene in the upcoming compario article "S-MAX vs Previa". We concluded that, well, we liked one more than the other. Just which one? Wait for the article!

A Flower Story

2008-02-15T02:17:00.001+08:00

In a garden where various types of flowers bloom, there grew this peculiar little flower. A flower unlike other flowers that grows in the garden. A little flower that will never be seen by others as how flowers ought to be - pretty.

No higher than 5 centimeters, this little 6 petal flower has a different color to each of it's petals. Blue, red, green, yellow, orange and black petal make up this peculiar little flower.

So, amongst the pretty pink, bright yellow and cheerful orange, this little peculiar flower do stand out. In a bad kind of way.

Because it grew in a prejudiced environment, the other flowers feel justified to label this "abomination of a flower" as an ugly looking misfit, like how a dodo bird will never be acknowledged by other flying birds as being part of them, if you get what I meant. And visitors to the garden seem to reinforce that fact. No one admired the peculiar little flower. Not a single soul. In fact, most of them will either walk past the little peculiar flower, or throw a cursory glance at it before turning away with a look of disgust on their face.

But the little peculiar flower never stop believing. And it held on to that belief, no matter how tough the going is - other flowers get extra doses of delicious fertilizers to keep their color fresh. Some get extra douses of water to keep their leaves looking green and healthy. Yet the little peculiar flower only gets water from the morning dew and the occasional treats from passing birds. Life sure is tough for this little peculiar flower.

But it never stopped believing.

It never stop believing that it is the most beautiful flower in the garden. It never stop believing that it is a special flower - Because it is the only flower with 6 different colors for it's petals. It must be special.

Such is the spirit of this 6 petal flower. But how long can 'believe' last? Just how long?

In an environment that constantly erodes that believe - like how waves continuously pound on the rock to break it apart - it is only a matter of time before all that believe breaks away too.

You can never stop the pounding tide. Never.

And so, as the days went by, the little peculiar flower, devoid of proper nutrients, food and support, began to falter, wither and fade into obscurity.

Never to be seen. Never to be missed.

Time has stopped for this poor little peculiar flower that suffered much. But the world still go on...never to notice that another suffering soul has come to pass.

Just kill me

2008-01-30T02:56:00.000+08:00

I think it's time for the beer. I still can't !@#$%&*^$#@! sleep and I have a meeting in the morning!

I think it is a sign that I need a break away from everything.

A BIG break.

i better not have insomnia

2008-01-30T01:58:00.000+08:00

It's been the 3rd day in a row that I can't seem to fall asleep. Each time I close my eyes, my brain starts to be in prime time mode, screening thoughts and happenings that occur throughout the day. It just won't bloody switch off.

And because of that, I've been listening to all the mental droning for the past 2 hours already. I'm already feeling sleepy on my chair as I type this but I know, I just know, that once I get back to my bed, my brain will probably screen the next episode of "What's the next thing I should do" series.

I just want to sleep.

Sigh.

Let me try streaming some piano music off WMP and see if it lulls me to sleep. If all else fails, there is always the bottle of Port that I had just obtained last night.

Picture of the Week 2 - City by night

2008-01-29T02:58:00.000+08:00

Me la mie

2008-01-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

What Lambie Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.

You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.

You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.

You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.

Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Picture of the week 1 - Chicken Rice!

2008-01-22T01:14:00.000+08:00

A lamb, pudding and a baby cow on haystack

2008-01-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

Right now, I have a blob of a preeeeetie puddy and my cute lil steakii bouncing around my haystack. Being the gluttons that we are, we just came back from a feast at the Old Airport Road hawker center.

Your's truly ordered a yummy bowl of fried fish Ee-fu noodles which has wonderful soupie, freshly fried fish and nice eggy to go with the noodle. unfortunately, the noodle was not cooked enough which made the noodle hard to chew on.

The puddy ordered prawn noodle was had, quite literally, prawn and noodles only. With a mountainous load of fried shallots. Puddy thinks that the prawn noodle is only so-so and the prawns are not really that fresh.

The last dish that we ordered was the Lao fu zi friend kway teow which took me 15 mins to queue before I can get my plate. Well, the kway teow was OK and the puddy hiamed that the kway teow was too sweet due to the sweet sauce and me thinks it's a tad too salty for my liking. The cockles are a tad undercooked though.

Hokai, time to tuck our lil steakii to bed now so we shall stop just about.....here.

SportCombi 9-3

2008-01-17T01:21:00.000+08:00

I love this car for its' looks. This is by far the most stunning estate available on the market. But there is something I cannot figure out about this car. Where exactly does it's strength, or if you like, it's charm, lies?

And I'm hurtz. This unintentional pie hurtz.

Determination. Sweat. And a stupid pair of Brooks

2008-01-14T21:14:00.000+08:00

I started my exercise regime today. And the plan was to start running after a long period of inactivity and gluttony. So, despite the rain in the evening, despite the lethargic me, I put on my pair of Brooks running shoes, courtesy of the RSAF, and trudged into the glowing darkness of the night.

The weather was great. Cooling but not cold. And the night serene, but not eerie. For a start, I gingerly did a slow jog to test my body responses to months of inactivity. And within 10 minutes, I was giving my legs the full steam ahead, at least until the pain in my knees hit me. Again.

But with my usual stubborn determination, i ignored the protesting of my knee as I slowly pounded my way up the winding road to the summit of Mount Faber. It was terrible. I never felt so much resistance from my body before. It was as if my legs were tied with tons of lead. I struggled just to take the next step and that was when I pondered on the significance of going through all these torture.

Yet I pounded on. So did the pain in my knee.

Fifteen minutes into my jog, I finally, finally reached the top of the summit. As I bowed over to catch my breath, I felt good. I felt as if I could conquer the world and that I did in fact conquered the world (or the summit).

All the pain. All the sweat. It all seemed worthwhile.

On my way down Mount Faber after cooling down, I had also decided that the Brooks from RSAF is crap. In the wet, my Brooks has zero levels of grip which caused me to lose traction and slip forward a couple of times. And just when I thought it was safe, the shoes lost traction and i found myself barreling off the footpath onto the slopes of the hill.

Luckily, I managed to grab the footpath with my hands so that I still enjoy the experience of walking down to the bottom of the hill rather than tumbling down along the slopes to reach the bottom.

What a stupid pair of Brooks.

The Volvo S80

2007-12-30T01:47:00.001+08:00

I never really liked Volvo cars in the past. I grew up with the notion that they are designed by artists who only understands straight lines and 90 degrees. A car void of soul and passion. Which perhaps explains the reason why Volvos are common as hearse cars.

Thankfully, the heads at Volvo had passion, soul and elegance knocked into their skulls. With that, Volvo started producing the S40. A cramped little sedan indeed, but one with soul molded into the design for once. The S40 is a handsome and charming gentleman. One different from the nerdy blockhead of a bookworm it once was.

Yet, the S40 is not what I want to talk about today. What I want to do, is to wax lyrical on the S80. If a well mannered teenager is to the S40, the S80 would be the charming, handsome gentleman in a tuxedo. I absolutely adore the S80. And no, I am not in my 40s, neither am I in my 30s.

In fact, Volvo has managed to win my heart, my 20-some-ish heart with a car that is meant for executives in their late 40s, complete with a bald patch and a beer belly. Do not for once question my taste for cars, for I am still very much in love with cars that has "speed" pasted all over; such as Volkswagen's GTi and Mitubishi's Evolution X. Yet, Volvo has managed to place the S80 into my arms. Amazing.

The 2.5T S80 retails at $138,000. It is a huge sum of money but when you compare it to a Mercedes E class which cost at least 70 grand more, the S80 starts to look like a total bargain.

I would love to own one. And now.

Of marriages, logic and emotions

2007-12-10T23:09:00.000+08:00

We were discussing the intricacies of marriage. And like all things in life, there is no clear cut answer on whether marrying or not marrying a person is a better option. It is more of, maybe, perhaps, also can, depending on your priorities in life.

Well, i classify the decision to marry based on the following:

Emotionally : Yes, do get married, if you can find the "best fitting partner" in your life.

Logically: No, especially if you are a guy. The friggin women's charter u idiot! If you are a girl, what scientific proof is there to show that the current person is the best one out there for you?

So it depends, really, on whether you are emotional or logical on the day your other half decides to pop you the question. I won't say it's a 50-50 chance as emotions do not go by sound scientific principles. But if your current special one ever decide to pop you this question, think clearly(i'll come to this later), on whether you are more emotional or more logical. If you can't really decide, then you are logical as you must have done some thinking to reach that state of dilemma. So back off!

However, if you go all emotional and start to tear with happiness(i.e. cannot think clearly), I say, you are screwed if both of you are dead incompatible. So might as well enjoy being screwed - while it lasts.
So there!

This is not a post about cars (WRX vs old WRX)

2007-12-10T00:08:00.000+08:00

By now, most of you already know what I have been doing, but if you don't, it doesn't matter. And like the picture, the trees and the grass that was captured along side the cars doesn't really matter. The focus is on the cars. No?

Actually it does matter. The grass and the trees. It matters to the overall composition of the picture. And like the picture, life is exactly like that. You can't have one without another. With out the tress and grass, the photo will look as dull as gray.

And life is colorful and all exciting, sometimes in the wrong way too. For me, life now is all about sacrifices and pain. And these are the "trees and grass" that decorates my life now. I've lost track of the countless times I have to ask myself if what I'm doing is worth it, or the tiredness I felt when I have to fight Jekyll.

I'm quite battered a soul, especially when I had just emerged from another bout of war. I do not know how much more of these battle that I can withstand before my sanity caves in.

But I have to believe in Hyde.

(for those of you who are curious; Yes, the old WRX is faster than the new WRX but the interior is so much better in the new one that you would think the old WRX had their interior manufactured by mountain trolls. The new WRX is more refined, like cappuccino while the old WRX is like kopi-o, totally in your face, with a brutal edge to it - IMHO, give me a GTi anytime)

Dreams

2007-12-03T23:04:00.000+08:00

What do you dream?
I dream of Fear. Anxiety. Frustration. Unfairness.

Why do you dream?
Because of where I stand. Because I do not know.

What do you not know?
Myself. I need to know myself. And myself stems from others.

Stems from others?
Yes. I am who I am. Only because of others. Without others, I am not who I am. I need to know from others. This is me. Do you know?

Others do not know. The pain. The sacrifices. The doubts. The worries. The struggle....struggle is never a stranger to me.

And what exactly are you struggling from?
From dreaming.

I'm pissed

2007-12-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

OK, I know this is a little bit off considering the timing, but, perhaps because I am currently sick, which makes me all the more irritated when I re-looked at this 2 video clips

Now, noticed the similarities? I am pissed because this is a down right copying of ideas from the second video! And it has to be on one of our national song some more. It shows that we have no bloody sense of originality and creativity (why wear white and black like the australians?!?!?!? don't we ought to wear white and red????).

And to make it worse, want to imitate also must imitate to the level of grandness right? They have the entire army of Australian National boys and girls choir to film the entire advert spanning so many other countries and all we have are a handful of kids going around the CBD...

I'm outright pissed because they ought to come out with sometime more original for our national song! They (the producers) ought to have more national pride than that!

For those who do not know, the first ad. by Qantas was done back in 1998 while the Home video was done for the 2004 national day parade.

Island of life

2007-12-02T20:06:00.000+08:00

I doubt many of you have ever heard of this song, Island of Life, sung by Jon Anderson and composed by Kitaro. I used to like this song because of the tune, the soothing feeling it gave me. But I had never really paid heed to the lyrics back then.

Now, after finding this song on YouTube and hearing it all over again, I realise that this song can be dedicated to a couple that I know. Perfect timing too!

Enjoy!

Island of Life

She sees me
She understands
She helps
With all of my fears
When we stand together for life
Who will hold a child
In her arms

She reaches out
So many friends
Who seek to live this world
When we stand together for life
She will hold a child
In her arms

Chorus:
Without woman
Earth would fade and die
Without woman
Who am I
Who am I
On this Island of Faith
Who am I
On this Island of Life
You are the Sea
You are the Sky
You are the Ocean
I am the Earth
I am the Island of your Love

She listens
Se understands
For those searching for truth
We will stand together for life
We will hold a child
In our arms

Chorus

She sees me
She understands
She helps
With all of my fears
When we stand together for life
She will hold a child
In her arms

Chorus

Dreams are the understanding of life
Dreams are the understanding of love

It's been a while...

2007-11-30T00:36:00.000+08:00

I have this entry as "draft" for over a week already. I have so many things that I want to blog about. About happiness, sadness and everything in between.

Yet, every time when I want to begin to write, my thoughts just left me.

Sigh.

A nice dream that faded...

2007-11-27T10:58:00.000+08:00

As I awaken gradually from my sleep, I distinctively remembered feeling happy. I must have had a good dream.

But as the realm of dreams ebbed away and the realities of life slowly seeping in, troubles and worries flooded away the happiness I felt.

Perhaps dreams are like sanctuaries, they shield you from the heat of realities when you are feeling down.

On a side note: snow has come to my blog, only if you are using IE, that is.

People do I also Do!

2007-11-22T12:20:00.001+08:00

Lets101 Quizzes - blog quizzes

A feeble smile is still a happy smile

2007-11-11T23:27:00.000+08:00

I turned out of CTE at Moulmein road only to see a group of 4 crowding around a frail old lady sitting on the road side kerb. The group of people was trying to flag for a cab.

Instinctively, I pulled over (to the detriment of traffic ) thinking that the old lady was injured and needed a lift somewhere (like to the hospital). And so, I was faced with a family of 3 Indians and a middle aged Chinese man trying to communicate with the old lady.

The old lady was clad in pajamas, having nothing with her except a plastic bag that contained a $10 dollar note. I was worried that the old lady might be suffering from dementia and wandered out of home to the detriment of her family members. The fact that she wanted to hail a cab to go to a place which I can't seem to find on the road map or heard before worried me further.

I told the group of people that perhaps calling the police would be the best option. While they attempted to get the police to drop by, I spent a good 5 minute squatting beside the road kerb, braving the onslaught of traffic to find out more from the old lady.

All I could gather was that she was tired from trying to flag a cab and that her hip hurt from a recent operation. But that doesn't matter. Because she was smiling a feeble but genuine smile despite the ordeal. And that made me happy. At least she wasn't in distress.

And so, I left the group to wait for the police to arrive and continued on my way (my car was beginning to hinder traffic)

I hope things will be fine for the old lady. I'm sure it will.

BMW X5 4.8i - A Journey within

2007-11-07T00:57:00.001+08:00

I had a small dream once. To be able to drive a BMW. And I achieved that dream today. I drove a top of the line model from BMW. An X5 with a 4.8l v8 engine. And so, you might be thinking, "you lucky chap!". But I beg to differ. I rather have that dream remain just a dream.

This car is for the riches. If it isn't obvious from the snob appeal of the badge, then you might be interested to know that the road tax cost a whopping $12k a year and that the car drinks petrol in gulps.

I do not think most of us in our lifetime will be able to afford this car. It cost a whopping $383,000. And getting a taste, a tantalizing one at that, only sharpens that fact. Why would I want to be able to experience driving something that I can never be able to afford in my life time? I would definitely be better off not knowing what it feels like, driving this car.

This car sets everything into perspective. That, if you make it "there", the rewards are rather sweet.

Jetta! Jetta!

2007-10-30T23:15:00.001+08:00

(picture courtesy of Amery)

If the VW Golf GTi is the wild child, then the VW Jetta 2.0T FSI is a gentlemen's car. It's charming good looks complete with the trademark chrome grille warms the heart of women. Gawd, it is that gentlemanly.

Yet beneath those handsome looks lies a wild child at heart. A 2.0l turbo engine, similar to the GTi's, lurks beneath the bonnet. This engine is mated to VW's awesome DSG transmission which proves to be a very lethal combination if you are a speed junkie. Think of it as a tamed down GTi, complete with a boot, a more comfortable ride and a subtler sounding exhaust.

Despite all the engineering tweaks, the Jetta brutal edge is not blunted. Leaving the transmission in "S', which by the way, stands for "scream your lungs out" and flooring the accelerator induces both fear and awe at the same time. You fear for your live and at the same time feel awed at all the power that is in your hands (or right foot to be technically correct) . Before you know it, the world passes you by in a blur, the tacho spins towards the red line and your speed is already enough to get you on your way to the moon.

Being a FF, you would expect the Jetta to understeer. But try as I might, I can never get the car to do just that! Even when the front tyres give up and screeches along the bends, the Jetta continues to corner like a stubborn old mule.

Brakes are progressive and hauls the charging wild beast down without much drama. But what really amazes me is the accelerative prowess of the Jetta. It warps straight to 60km/h from standstill. It is that mind blowing. In the span of the hour that I was driving it, I invented a game to amuse myself with this warp speed ability of the Jetta. I would intentionally be the last to move off the line at traffic lights and believe me when I say the drivers of the other cars were totally awed when i floored the pedal and over took them at 60km/h while they are still changing gears to climb past 30km/h. Yes, it is a childish thing to do but still, it sure is fun looking at their surprised face!

This car is a wolf in sheep clothing. It is a well build, comfortable luxury sedan which transforms into a competent sports sedan at the prod of the accelerator. It is totally awesome. I'm so sold for this car. Period.

I want one!

Mr & Mrs Penguin

2007-10-28T19:50:00.000+08:00

I am happy and proud to see my close friend of 9 years getting married. I have never seen her so beautiful before. Maybe it is true. Ladies look their best during their wedding day (and it will all go down hill after that, me thinks *grins*).

May I present to you, the wedding couple

hee, ok ok. I wasn't the photographer for the day and i was busy carrying the roast pig (and eating it afterwards) and video taping the event that I didn't have time to take much pictures. But anyhow, here is a shot I've taken after the entire event was over.

Beautiful.

Part of everything

2007-10-24T03:54:00.000+08:00

I like the warmth of the sun. It makes me feel alive and spirited, soaking in these glowering streaks of gold.

I am part of all things good on this world.

Yet, when the curtain of darkness draws upon this land, and with the cold, lonely winds whispering across my face, I wish I could reach out and tear away at the darkness that conceals the sun.

But.

I am part of all things bad on this world too.

This is the world that I live in.

小汽车

2007-10-15T09:55:00.000+08:00

感动这两个字不难写。但是，能让我感动的事件不多。

这个用木做的小汽车... 整整的让我感动了。。。

有真心朋友在身边是幸福的。

谢谢你!

The toilet bowl needs unplugging....

2007-10-10T00:55:00.001+08:00

It's strange. In the past few weeks, I can't seem to put down in words, what I want to say, or feel about something. Everything just left me.

I'm currently feeling like a bird without it's wings. Something feels jammed up in my thoughts pipeline. And I know exactly what.

Sometimes, all i need are wings to uplift me. Anything.

I don't understand either but it's me. 100% me.

Cars I've test driven in 2007

2007-10-05T01:41:00.001+08:00

A list for my records:

Mercedes Benz A170
Mercedes Benz C350
Nissan 350Z
Suzuki Swift Sports 1.6 (A)
Suzuki SX4 (A)
Suzuki SX4 Sedan (A)
Kia Cerato Variant 2 1.6 (M)
Land Rover Freelander 3.2 (A)
Chevrolet Optra 1.6 (A)
Mitsubishi Lancer EX 1.5(A)
VW Caddy 1.9 TDi DSG
VW Jetta 2.0T FSI DSG

Cemetry visit and real-time improvision cooking

2007-10-01T21:58:00.000+08:00

Today's a hectic day of a Monday. Picked up the Cerato. It's very drivable really. Japanese saloons should shake in their boots and pee in their pants. The Koreans are catching up really fast, and they are only a plastic away (quite literally as i felt the interior plastics were the only thing that stops it from being on par with jap saloons.)

This is me in the Cerato variant 2 (means facelift), behind the Cerato Variant R (means ah-beng go-fast car, one and only in Singapore, and some say batam!) and the land Rover (which you can see our editor busy snapping pictures). Took a little spin in the land rover but not enough for me to comment on it (but it sports a 3.2L inline-6, which is the same engine used in the Volvo S80).

The place we had chosen our location was a cemetery and unfortunately for us, the Ah-beng car had a tyre puncture and we were kind of stranded there till around 7.30pm. SHeesh. I never been in a cemetery at such a late hour.

Just another day at the office, I guess.

This was our dinner last saturday. It was supposed to be baked pasta with mozzie cheese and pasta sauce but we ran out of sauce and I had to improvise.....using campbell soup! I tell you, those cans of solid stuffs are really versatile! You can throw them at people you don't like, eat it as a meal, make baked rice out of it and use it as a back-up for pasta sauce. it's can food equivalent of a swiss army knife!

But most importantly, the Campbell soup make the food I cooked look absolutely fabulous in this picture. =p

Mitsubishi Lancer EX 1.5 photo Essay

2007-09-25T00:06:00.001+08:00

Okay, these are all the photos that I've taken during the test drive of the Mitsubishi lancer 1.5l 4AT which I have not used for the article (click here (yes the blank) to read the article).

This is me sticking out behind a VW Caddy van that goes at warp speed while wobbling it's ass. Mind you, it's a DSG gear box.

The radio display from the Lancer. It's funny, but the display is not bright enough that you can't see shit all the time.

The 4AT is a joy to use but it moans when tortured.

Over-exposed shot of the lancer.

The new lancer uses a keyless-go key fob. It comes with a trunk release too. Picture shows the old remote with the new one.

nice neat rear.

Wide eyed wanderer

2007-09-23T18:00:00.000+08:00

If I tell you that I'm not afraid of the future, I must either lying or attempting to get the golden horse award. The truth is, I am afraid.

But I am afraid because i dared to take the first step. And that can't be a bad thing.

In my year stint at my previous company, I've come to learn a lot about myself. I wouldn't say my experiences are all smooth sailing. In fact, most of the memories I had in my previous company can be described as "dark". I had to get out of there before the environment encloses around me and suffocates me to oblivion. I'm only stopping short of saying "I hate that place" but that can only be attributed to my own biasness.

So here I stand. With my face to the wind. And the rain pouring down. I walk. A step at a time. Against all doubts and self doubts. I walk. For the future. For the me I want to be.

I walk.

Winds of Change

2007-09-17T03:30:00.000+08:00

The winds of change have been blowing. And my time in this phase of my journey is almost gone. With it, everything I have come to see, to feel, to touch in the past year will be but a distant memory. Some of these memories deserve to be buried with the flowing sands of time. But some, I will keep close to my heart, to be cherished together with the passing of the seasons.

Soon, the winds of change will blow me on a journey towards a new unknown. Like a gentle breeze, it caresses me towards a new direction. Yet, this gentle cocooning wind is but a taste of a storm that is brewing. A storm full of promises, uncertainty and unspoken sacrifices.

Amat victoria curam.

Photo blog

2007-09-09T23:20:00.000+08:00

Indoor stadium at night. Decided to take photos before the place gets redeveloped into a water-dunno-what-park which I do not have the least interest in.

Drove this car. Now i'm craving for the power that this car has to offer. But of course, with great power comes great sacrifices. In this case, the wallet. This car guzzles fuel like nobody's business. 5.2km/L !

Steamed prawn in rice wine. Stir fried honey pork and huang di vegetables. As usual, the prawn is a tad overcooked, the pork is just right and so are the vegetables. And I didn't burnt the wok this time.

Bitter sweet

2007-09-07T15:31:00.001+08:00

It's a disquieting chill in my heart. Yet I can’t bring it to myself to say what I feel. Ironically, I was in your position once and I know exactly why you rather be doing what you choose to do. Strangely, I had never considered how the other person will feel back then when I chose what you had chosen.

But I know now.

Words elude me when I realize what I had cause in the past. I can only regret in my heart but not in expression.

But at least, this time, the burden is all mine. For that, I am glad.

Whirlwind

2007-09-05T01:30:00.000+08:00

Procrastinating is not my usual style of doing things. Yet for the past 2 weeks, I have continuously held back on posting a blog entry. I already have the general idea of what I want to say, but I just didn't have the right frame of mind to sit down and pen down (in this case, type down) the whisperings in my heart.

And at this point, i'm worn out. I just want to rest in preparation for the next phase of my journey through time. But it seems, there is no rest for the wicked.

I just hate unknowns. Pessimism and fear of unknowns are a good combination for curing sleepyness, me thinks.

Pot pies

2007-08-31T10:19:00.000+08:00

Pot pies. I love pot pies. Even though Kenny Roger serves good and resonably priced delicious pot pies with chunks of tender chicken, nothing beats having a traditional home made pot pie. And not to mention the fun of rolling out the pot pie. All in the comfort of your own home. The satisfaction in rolling out a pot pie and actually seeing it on the plate is priceless. What's more with seeing 2 pot pies and sharing the joy with the one you love.

But what exactly is a pot pie? By Google's definition, a pot pie contains meat stew or vegetable stew baked in a tasty outer crust. And my favourite ones? Chicken stew pot pies! The ones I rolled out are medium size as the larger the pies, the harder is it to roll it out. And you will have trouble maintaining the tender meat stew within. I've also found that by placing a cherry or corn nibblets on the top of the pot pie help enhance the "deliciousity" of the pies (and also to mask the areas where you over baked it whahha)

Spend a quiet weekend rolling out a pot pie or two with you love ones and I assure you, it's great and delicious fun!

apple kiwi steak

2007-08-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

Kiwi and apple sauce. Gives the well-done beef (was suppose to be medium but guess I over did it. hee ) a sourish sweet taste. Not fantastic but still passable by my standards. Well, at least I didnt burnt down the kitchen

Fragility

2007-08-08T01:31:00.000+08:00

A word is meaningless on it's own. Without meaning, a word is no different from a jumble of letters. An expression of doodles. What makes a word meaningful is the association of an attached symbolic representation to it. Simple as it sounds, it isn't. The symbolic representation of a word can take on a wide spectrum and varying degrees of meanings depending on how the word is used. At times, a word extended relationship with its neighboring words is paramount too.

It is simply complicated. Know what I mean?

One interesting aspect of English words which I particularly adore is the attachment of emotive representatives to it. Sadly, I feel that English words, though versatile, can never be as linguistically flexible as the usage of Chinese words in describing basic human emotions. Nonetheless, keeping that in mind, I shall attempt to articulate in writing, the meaning of fragility as it means to me.

What do you see when you read the word “fragile”? Do you envision a delicate glass breaking? Or do you feel weakness in the word? Words, like I have mentioned, takes on different meanings with different forms of use. It takes on yet another dimension of meaning depending on the human involved in constructing the particular sentence. For example;

A wailing girl screamed “You broke my heart” verses He muttered quietly “You broke my heart”

Though unspoken in the second scenario, the exact sentence gives the reader the impression that the guy experiences a more profound hurt compared to the girl. Now, do you understand why I said emotive representations of words are interesting?

So, what exactly does fragility means to me?

A lack of belief. That is my symbolic attachment of the word fragility. If you do not believe in yourself, you are susceptible to uncertainty of yourself which leads to other complications such as feeling inferior to others. Analogically speaking, believing in yourself is like your skin. Once breeched, you are open to nasty viruses which may cause harm to you and make you weak. But that doesn’t mean you should shun being fragile altogether. Sometimes, feeling fragile makes us realize the fundamentals of being a human being. That no matter how capable we all are; we still need the emotional support. Some may require more than others but we, as humans, do need that occasional pillar of support.

And during the receivership of support, it makes one feel comforted, akin to being in your mother’s womb, metaphorically speaking. It cocoons you in a gentle yet protective manner, shielding you from the harsh realities of the world. Fleeting it may be, but it provides the necessary oasis to the tired traveler in this journey of life before embarking on his/her next phase.

And there is nothing fragile in acknowledging and receiving support. Only fools thinks otherwise.

Lunch Breakie (from crap work)

2007-08-07T12:50:00.000+08:00

hungry. Don't feel like eating. Since everyone is doing the quiz, i also wanna do cos fun mahz... (i got 5 mins to do cos I suddenly feel like eating)

EMOTIONS.

1. are you missing someone right now?
No.

2. are you happy?
No.

3. are you talking to anyone right now?
No.

4. are you bored?
No.

5. are you german?
No.

6. are you irish?
No.

7. are you chinese?
Chinese chinese or just chinese?

8. are you asian?
yes

9. are your parents still married?
does it matter?

TEN FAVORITES.

1. televison show: None at the moment

2. flower: Rose (cos can make bundung, better with carnation milk)

3. color: anything as long as it is not loud

4. sport: Dying (we do that all the time, every minute, every second)

5. mall: got food?

6. music: emotionally sad ones are good

7. food:Anything except garlic....mmm or is it pudding?

8. season: Autumn!!!!

9. animal: Anyhting that taste yummy

10. subject: fragility

FACTS.

1. hometown: castle

2. hair color: black

3.perfume: wtf is that?!?

4. hair style: freestyle

5. eye color:brown

6. shoe size: can't fit into any shoe

7. mood: now; hungry. All the time; misery

8. skin color: many colors, got yellow, got black, got red

9. available?: No unless you are a yummy pastry and/or desserts

10. lefty/righty: dunno la. both hands can use for diff things wat!

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

1. have you ever been in love? mmmm....define love?

2. do you believe in love? used to be 100%, now maybe 80% cos pies are painful

3. why did your last relationship fail? relationships never fail one...the correct term is upgrade!

4. have you ever been heartbroken? heartbroken? Never. Cos moi heart is powder already.

5. have you ever broken someone's heart? No one tell me I did so no bah...

6. have you ever fallen for one of your friends? duhz...how can u fall for a stranger? You must at least know the person first what! dumb question.

7. have you ever liked someone but never told them? yeah of cos...i like all pretty girls...if tell everyone of them, my cheek will be swollen the size of earth.

8. are you afraid of commitment? Si mi lai aeh?

9. has someone ever held your hand? since the day i was born

10. have you ever had a secret admirer? why don't you tell me?

TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT.

1. love or lust: love

2. hard liquor or beer: Orange juice

3. night or day: dusk

4. one night stands or relationships: relationship

5. television or internet: internet la...

6. pepsi or coke: Anything la....

7. wild night out or romantic night: how about rainy nights with a nice cup of earl grey?

8. colored pictures or black and white pictures: Both are yummy

9. phone or in person: phone. so can slam the phone

10. friendster or myspace?MSN can notz?

TEN HAVE Y0U EVER's.

1. have you ever been caught sneaking out? I don't need to sneak out.

2. have you ever kissed someone you dont love? yucks!

3. have you ever done something you regret? duhz...might as well as "do you breathe?"

4. have you ever bungee jumped? no

5. have you ever been on a houseboat?no

6. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker? expensive la... mentos can notz

7. have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurts? so many to look at where got time to choose?!?

9. have you ever danced in the rain? is it fun?

10. have you ever kissed anyone? yes

A call from afar....

2007-08-02T03:12:00.000+08:00

Touched.

For your willingness to help.

For your kind gesture of calling me even though you are in London.

I never realise I can be happy just by hearing your voice. But I am.

It's people like you that make me feel that there is still some good left on this Earth worth living for.

From the bottom of my heart, bro, I thank you.

War of life

2007-07-21T16:57:00.000+08:00

The bullets thudded into the wall behind me, sending showers of chipped wood all over the place where I am hiding.

"Godammit" I cursed silently as another curtain of bullets rained down on us, sending even more debris flying. "Sir! We got to get out of here! we are sitting ducks out here!" screamed Doug, my second-in-command.

I took a moment to digest the situation. The pain-in-the-ass machine gun position, a 7.76mm caliber General purpose machine gun 150 yards out is flinging bullets at a rate of 750 rounds a minute on us. Unprotected, the tapered and twisted tip of the lead head, traveling close to 80% the speed of sound is enough to kill any one of us, searing, twisting and disgorging any internal organs the bullet comes into contact to.

"Doug! The GPMG have gotta reload any second! Use that window of opportunity and get me a grenade down his position!" I looked beside me, Jake and Peter was furiously trying to hide as much of themselves behind another tree. "Jake! Pete! Once the grenade goes, both me and Doug will provide covering fire. Try to gain distance to their position for a clean shot!" I shouted.

Suddenly, the shooting ceases. This is the moment. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Doug rising from his cover, stretched his body backwards and fling the grenade across the field. I counted mentally, One-thousand, Two-thousand, Three-thou... A boom erupted further up ahead of us. "Covering Fire!!" I immediately pop up from my hiding place and squeezed a few rounds from my M16A1 Rifle in the general direction of the machine gun position. Hopefully, this would cause the enemy to duck and buy me a safe passage for Jake and Pete who were currently in transition.

The GMPG came back to life, spewing out it's deadly bullets, slamming into Jake and Pete who nearly made it to safety. But never will now. All time stood still. I remembered the time, the first time I saw Jake and Pete, both brimming with energy and hope. Both eager to contribute to this God forsaken war. Yet those energies and youthful hope, now spent and rotting in this bloody battlefield seems wrong to me. It seems, energy and hope is not enough. You need a fair bit of luck too.

"Doug! Doug!" I shouted across to the right of me. Silence. I turned and looked. I didn't even know when he got hit. But I didn't care. It didn't matter anymore. Life isn't fair. It simply isn't.

Suddenly I felt alone, trapped behind a tree as relentless hails of bullets in this cold and unforgiving place rained down. I felt like giving up. There isn't a point in fighting so hard for gains so uncertain. I want my life back. A life which I cannot return to anymore.

I unloaded the magazine, checked the rounds and slammed it into my rifle. I chambered a round into the barrel and steeled my nerves.

I shot out of my hiding place and dashed forward, gun ablazing.....

Relationships

2007-07-18T23:12:00.000+08:00

A steaming hot cup of peach tea.

Soft music wafting from my speakers.

My head ached. News I heard today draws back memories of a past. A past saturated with emotions. Of pain. Of hate. Most importantly, of love succumbing to possessiveness.

This, for which I have no answers. I do not comprehen the logic, or the lack of, when emotions robs you of your sanity and compels you to react in ways deem unfathomable by most people. I wonder, how does it feel, to be overcome by raw brutal emotions that enslaves your mind.

I am clueless.

Kukup - an hour's drive that turns back the clock 40 years....

2007-07-18T00:39:00.000+08:00

After picking up 2 of my other friends, we went on our merry way towards the Tuas checkpoint via the PIE. But since there is this rule that says Singapore cars are required to have at least 3/4 tank full before crossing the border, I had to stop over at a petrol kiosk first. I like this 3/4 rule, me thinks it's an act of thoughfulness of the government to remind us that Malaysia is big and so we must have enough fuel to last us lest we get lost. Singapore boleh!

Ok, this picture was taken at the malaysian's checkpoint. We learnt from today's trip that we shouldn't forget to do/bring the following before crossing the border:
> immigration cards
> pens to fill up the immigration cards
> changing of currency ( I can't believed he forgot to change currency lohz...)
> top up cash card to pay for the Singapore Toll fees

As you can see, we were supposed to stop at the booth but because we didn't have immigration cards, we had to stop beside the lanes and hunt for cards, fill them up and walked over to give them the card. It was a pretty hilarious sight. Seriously, crossing the border had never been so farnie before.

This picture was taken after we left the N-S highway at Geland Patah exit travelling towards Pontian Kechil. I tell you, certain sections of the road have so much potholes that paying exorbitant road tax back in Singapore starts to make a hell lot of sense.

This picture was taken after passing Pontian Kechil towards kukup. I'm amazed by the complexity of the road

Kukup is so small that there is only one main road leading into it, with shophouses and houses on stilts adorning both sides of it. I have only one word for it. Rustic. Better than watching Back to the future.

Cupbarn. I always knew I can use matchsticks to make cupbarn.

Sunset over the smelly river.

We parked...just right outside the money changer! So that solves the problem of not having the correct currency. The place we stopped at is called High King Seafood restaurant. I had chosen this place because some bloke on the internet said the food was cheap and "not too bad". I also reckon since the person still lives to type out her recommendations, the food should be relatively safe to eat.

Sunset over Pulau Kukup. Taken using my N70 handphone...if only I had a better camera....

Hokai you greedy readers...here is the highlight of the trip....we ordered:
> fried squids RM12
> chilli mussels RM10 (no kidding)
> Grouper, steamed RM42
> Prawns, Chillied RM20

In total, with drinks, the bill came up to RM110 and that took us to about 9pm. Being the typical me, I got lost on the way back somewhere around Pontian Kechil in the dark. Fortunately for us, we realised we weren't lost but merely unsettled as the place looked different in the dark. All in all, the trip took up 232km and we crossed the border at around 10pm.

Fun!

Highlights of Cameron highlands

2007-07-16T02:51:00.001+08:00

Back from a 2 day trip to the Cameron highlands. Good place to hide from reality of work and the sweltering heat of Singapore. All in all, love the cool weather of the highlands abeit some difficulties that the cold introduced. (eg. hot water is a MUST when bathing)

I've highlighted places that I've felt worth going to should you decide to escape to Cameron for a holiday. Also, anyone keen on being a PR on Cameron highlands can message me. We can grow strawberries and live a happy life ever after on the strawberries.... Ok, just kidding. You cannot live on strawberries alone. We need to grow some vegetables and rear some chicken as well. =p

Cactus Valley, Brinchang

Cactus galore! rows and rows, levels and levels of cactuses and other attractive flowers awaits you at this place for only RM4 per person.

Hibiscus is one of their mainstay flowers. Come to think about it, Hibiscus is one of the mainstay flowers all over Cameron's nurseries.

Pretty Daisies!

Sunrise from the highest point in Cameron, Gunung Brinchang

Any peeps looking at this picture better appreciate this picture. In order to have this picture taken, I had to wake up at 530am, braved a freezing 15 deg cel. cold morning air , entrust my life to a guide whom I only met a day before (and pray he doesn't drive us off a cliff or something) and risked having my nose freezing off from the high winds. So, better appreciate this picture.

Mossy Forest, Gunung Brinchang

Mossy forest is a forest known for it's moss (duh!). The tour guide proudly explained to us that the mossy forest resembles forest scenes from LOTR . Anyhow, the mossy forest trail takes only around an hour or less to trek, if you are quick footed. But trust me, the trail that the guide took us was far from easy. But fun. The picture you see here is taken from Mossy forest, looking at part of the Titiwangsa range.

BOH tea plantation, Sungei Palas

Yes.... your yummy tea that you are drinking now comes from here. While drinking your yummy BOH tea, stop for a while to appreciate the fact that you have muscular workers working in the hot sun sweating it off while shearing the tea leaves and collecting them (together with their salty sweat) so that you can have your cuppa tea! Best of all, they are only paid 20 cents RM per KG of tea leaves. Drink heartly you slave driver!

Scenary taken at Sungei Palas visitor center. The cafe serves very yummy and fluffy cakes to compliment your order of tea.

Rose Center, Kea Farm region

I think roses are only good for 2 things. To rip off guys during Valentine's day and to make yummy bandung.

Flies are everywhere. We even had a buzzing fly that followed us through the jungle paths from Tanah Rata to brinchang town.

EQ strawberry farm, beside Equatorial hotel

These strawberries are sweet! Because we plucked 'em under the hot sun. By the time you are reading this, the strawberries are already long eaten. They do not last long in our weather.

NOC day out and a commencement!

2007-07-06T23:28:00.000+08:00

It has been quite sometime since the last NOC gathering. After meeting all of the at NOC, the six of us trugged to Bali Seafood village for dinner (beside Villa bali)

The restaurant menu. They have quite a number of standard items plus selections of their very own signature dish. Guaranteed to satisfy most people's preferrences.

Sereen and Angel smiling away....

KK and jianhui after a hard day's work (yeahhhhh right.... jianhui yes, KK, definitely not =p)

The first dish that came to us is chilli kang kong! For all honestly, this is the best chilli kang kong I have ever eaten!

This is a unique dish. The bossy recommended this prawn dish to us. stir fried prawns with pumpkin juice! Very yummy...with a unique taste..definitely a must try...but Sereen said it is the most expensive dish that we ordered. (S$20 bucks)

The prawn paste chicky is normal tasting only.

The hotplate tofu is too salty for my liking. This is probably the least nicest dish that we had ordered. And I dunno where the tofu is.

This is the best dish that we have ordered for the day! Yum Yum! It's some braised pork with yummy sauce. Very tender and sweet! I got to try this again the next time I go back again. Which I definitely will.

This picture was taken at UCC. Daniel graduated today and the five of us went to support him (actually we are there to eat the food hee hee) and this picture was taken at the spot where we gathered a year ago too at my commencement....how time flies....sigh....

What the statements really means

2007-07-06T17:36:00.000+08:00

1. "Nothing" - This is the calm before the storm. This means 'something' and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'nothing' usually end in 'fine'.

2. "Fine" - This is a word women use to end an argument when they're right and you need to shut up!

3. "5 minutes" - If she's getting dressed, this means half an hour. It is 5 mins if you have just been given 5 more mins to watch the game before helping around the house.

4. "Go head" - This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

5. Loud sigh - This is not actually a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by man. A loud sigh means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she's wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over 'nothing'.

6."That's okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. "Thanks" - A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8."Whatever" - It's a woman's way of saying "fcuk you!"

9. 'Duno"...thats when U are expected to come out with a solution to the problem.

10 'Anything' ... that's means U dun anyhow ti kum ti kum and buy anything hor...

11. Up to you/u decide - look, i already know what i want. u jolly well get it right, else u are in deep sheet

12. U try lor... u better do it the right way..

13. 'Do I look fat in this'...you better lie..

It seems that there is an auntie network after all...

2007-07-01T17:41:00.000+08:00

A last minute decision to help deliver food today netted me an interesting find (or rather 2 interesting finds)

All this while, I knew that the block i'm distributing food to only know each other if they are staying on the same floor. Hence, i deduced that an auntie network exist on every floor. However, while talking to one of the aunties staying on the 3rd floor, she was complaining to me that she didn't receive any food for last Sunday and even went on explaining that this is due to the fact that I was away on reservist. (In actual fact, my other friends did deliver the food in my absence but because they used the wrong name list, some of the units didn't receive any food.)

I was pretty amused. I only told an auntie living on the fourth floor that I will be away for reservist. No one else knows about this. Yet, it seems news about my reservist seemed to travel around the block.

The other thing that I discovered was rather grim. The block that I distributed food to has this alarm system connected to every unit. Any person in distress within the units can press the "panic" button linked to an alarm outside and on the ground floor. Once the button is pressed, the alarm will naturally sound and the unit in distress will be displayed on the electronic board situated outside. Today, the alarm was trigged by someone staying in unit #10-518 while I was there. I knocked on the door to rule out a false alarm before calling the police. The officer that picked up the phone told me that they have already dispatched officers to the unit already. So since there is nothing much I can do, I continued distributing the food. Strangely by the time I finished my rounds, the alarm was still sounding. I went back to the tenth floor and noticed that there were still no policemen in sight.

Two possibilities here, either the police officers have come and gone and who ever was inside was just playing itchy fingers, or, the police officers have not arrived at all. And should it be a case of genuine medicial distress, the minutes could mean the difference between life and death.

And I shall leave it as that.

A different 3 weeks...

2007-06-29T16:49:00.000+08:00

"They don't understand why we do it.
They don't understand it's about the man next to you. "

War. It is never about heroics or glory. Neither is it a game for the boys in us men.

War is messy, relentless and brutal. And very much unforgiving. You do not decide who live or die. People die when they die. No one can choose. That is war. There are no heros in wars. Only survivors.

Why do we then fight?

War is about fighting for our rights to believe. To believe what we hold true in our hearts. It is about the sacrifices we make for people we care about and love so dearly. It is about the man fighting along side with you.

Digging pictures from the past...

2007-06-25T22:26:00.000+08:00

[Barobushna villagers performance - The performace marked the end of our 2 weeks stay at the village. In that 2 weeks, we helped with the construction of the communal hall and helped the healthcare workers go around checking on the health of the villager's new born baby]

[Sunset over country side - This was taken on the rooftop of the place we stayed during our stint in the village. The 3 story building is called "pallisathi".]

[this shot needs to be setup one okie - one of the temples that we visited in Kolkata. We had purposely waited for the gluttony pigeons to settle down eating the grains off the floor before my friends intentionally ran across it, creating this furore of feathered wings and smiling faces. ]

[some tomb... - I remembered this place was called the hymmi someting something tomb. Anyway, i like this shot quite a bit. ]

[Sunset over India's railway line - This was day 2 of 3 during our trip back to Kolkata from Agra. I risked my head to take a photo of the setting sun while a cargo train whizzed by. ]

[Onion looking temple - This picture never fails to remind me of onions!]

[sunset - Barobushna village. Just took this picture for the fun of it. And digital photos is free!]

Maserati GranTurismo Coupe

2007-06-20T01:52:00.000+08:00

A certain fudgy creature requested for this pocket burner. Sigh. Anyhow, the new GT will sport a 4.2L , 8 cylinder, vee-configuration with 405bhp on tap. This will be mated to a flappy paddle gear box. (similar to the one found in the quattroporte). I'm guessing front/mid engine layout plus rear wheel drive. I guess we will know more come september.

Actually, in all honesty, I think the GT looks like an evil (and not to mention hungry looking) catfish with it's mouth wide open. Mmmm, gluttony car. Now I can appreciate the reason why the blob of fudge likes this car.

Now, the above is what I call a great-looking car. The Aston Martin Rapide Concept. Longer but sleeker than the existing DB9, it whizzes 4 persons in total comfort unlike the GT which you have to literally stuff 2 persons into the cramped rear seats. And that only happens if any unfortunate soul is even willing to accept your offer of being a rear passenger.

Let's just hope the production car in 2009 will be an exact replica of the concept. Now, that is something worth slogging for! =p

Bolster

2007-06-13T18:24:00.000+08:00

My bolster.
Soft and comfortable.
To hug. To hold.

Your smell lingers on it.
A sweet, pleasant scent.
Of love and sacrifices.

The night. A vessel of solitude.
A desolate quietness.
Suffocating me.

Clinging the bolster close.
I feel you beside me.
Embracing me.

Solitary is no more.

hiakz hiakz II

2007-06-06T02:10:00.000+08:00

I think if I don't stop coughing soon, my lungs will come out for sure...I concur, seriously, dry coughing is definately worse than suffering from fever,sore throat and flu combo.

got to go...my left lung just popped out of my mouth

hiakz hiakz

2007-06-05T19:56:00.000+08:00

This is the second night in a row where my cough is disrupting my sleep. After waking for the second time from my coughing performance this morning, I decided that maybe, just maybe, having a dry hacking cough is worse than having a fever, sore throat and running nose combo. At least you do not sneeze when you are asleep.

Strangely, after going back to sleep (since it was only 7 am), I had a weird dream. I dreamt that I was in an execution chamber with clear glass panels for others to view in. There were rows of seats, like those you find in a Lecture Theater. In my dream, there were only 7 people, of which 5 of them is from the band 五月天. And in the execution chamber, they have this machine, which was white in color. I was seating on a black chair attached to the machine.

This machine has an extended arm ending in a thick metallic rod from which lethal liquid can be introduced. A control unit controls the amount of fluid to be used. The executioner sets the number to 120 (I have no idea what unit of measurement that is) and he proceeded to place the thick metal rod at the back of my neck. Apparently there is a device attached to the back of my neck which you can insert the rod in. I ask the executioner if I could request for五月天 to sing 天堂 for me. (天堂 is not even sung by them! Haha…but I got to admit that it was a good crappy choice for a last song) After which, they proceeded to inject the lethal liquid into me (the control unit numbers was running from 0 to 120 at this point in time). And the sensation feels similar to receiving an injection; A slight numbing pain from the pressure of the liquid going in.

The funny thing in this dream was, I never get to hear 五月天 singing 天堂 for me. Hahaha.

My heart kept silent

2007-06-03T18:23:00.000+08:00

*knock knock*

"Auntie, 送饭!" Slowly but steadily, she inched her way to the door where I was waiting to give her this evening dinner packed in a comparmentised plastic box with curry chicken in one corner and vegetables on the other. Rice was served with 2 pieces of golden breaded scallop.

"你今天还好吗？" , i asked.

"aiyah, 还不是一样，活到九十一岁了，不知道为什么还没死，好辛苦。。。"

I didn't know what to reply when she said that. All I did was to give a little pat on her hand and tell her not to feel doleful. I vaguely remembered that I was struggling to contain my emotions. Grown men don't cry, I was told.

Till now, I can not forget what the old granny said. Is it scary to grow old alone? No friends. No family. No one to talk to while you wait for death to take you in your old, damp and dark apartment while feeling useless as your body deteriorates. I wonder if they keep a calendar to cross away the days, one number at a time, to mark the passing of another day of suffering? Can life be reduced to a number cancelling exercise?

How many more of these people are out there, deteriorating under obscurity, forgotten by the mainstreamers? Just how many?

Goodbyes

2007-05-29T23:05:00.000+08:00

Do you know why goodbyes are always sad?

It is not because you are unable to see the person you said goodbye to.

But.

It is because you have already make up your mind not to see the person again.

And you are sad that you have made such a decision.